We have lived in marriage or spoilage of more than 10 years. To the liked son of 5 years. Were not took seksua...

[Paul]

We have lived in marriage or spoilage of more than 10 years. To the liked son of 5 years. Sex attitudes or relations (my desires were not supported or maintained, I did not try to find what refined approaches) were not took. One month ago there has come or stepped the next feature in our attitudes or relations - or I make the plans separately, or once again we shall try together. Like have chosen the second. But with our attitudes or relations has interfered my old and the close friend. I told to him about the wife, about our attitudes or relations earlier. He knew that for it or her sex is minor, and for me it is very important. In general they have found each other in verbal dialogue, suddenly privrativshiesja in gentle chuvtsva (at the friend two wives, two children and itself rents the apartment and as that cares of them). She very much missed on it or him;them in the evenings, in opinion of melancholy, sometimes cries, is long trepitsja with it or him by phone, meets at restaurant and at his place (unfortunately should admit or allow it or this), the truth assure, that at them not sex attitudes or relations. On my demands to it or him;them to leave from it or her garizonta, he assures, that all will pass or take place nedelki through two by itself, and now he does not wish to do or make to her painfully. The wife is in what that the hypnotized status, flies in clouds, kills full apathy to me. Last day cares of me: speaks, that another is necessary to me, with her to me it will be better, that wishes to help or assist to leave to me from it or her. Speaks that she does not wish from me to depend, not financially certainly, - except for me sources of the income in family are not present and was not. Speaks that I does not wish to be, that uverennna, she he will find which man will grow fond also it or her will like, that wishes to remain close friends. Speaks all this really not on malicious though represent what to listen, and I listen, t. To. All this seems to me what that illness or disease, a terrible dream. I consider or count that the friend has stolen at me those its or her feelings which should get to me. He that will leave - I do not doubt, and what remains? It is possible to talk to her - asked to return - has responded, that never will return. "Friend" Just called and has made obscure attempt pokajatsja.
Today she not so grieved on it or him;them, how much on what that still, but all also did not search in me for anything.
I do not wish to lose it or her!! I do not wish to lose family! It seems to me, that I nevertheless like it or her. Advise as to behave?
HOW TO BE???

[Isaev D.D.]

Dear Paul! The situation very serious and to foresee the further succession of events very difficultly... Often it appears what to begin " with a pure or clean leaf or sheet " much easier, than to try to change stereotypes which have developed in attitudes or relations for long years of joint residing. It is not necessary to accuse the friend of malicious intention. I think, that he has simply appeared "near at hand" during the critical moment when someone who is capable to understand, listen, show it or her sympathy was necessary to your wife. It is sad, that in you she did not search for comprehension and did not try to find support. Here it is necessary to think of it or this! It is obvious, that she for these years has generated not absolutely flatter your image and, eventually, not looking at many factors has dared to tear family attitudes or relations....
What it is possible to undertake? Only one - completely to accept its or her point of view (even if she not so is pleasant to you or it is not absolutely clear), you should accept it or her emotionally, all heart and become its or her second J.Vse your actions should to be directed only on one - to make everything that to her was well, comfortably, is cosy near to you that she could look at you other eyes, see in you what did not see earlier...
If it is poorly comprehensible or unreal for you most likely you should hope for its or her own choice...