How to get on with relatives

[sewerd]

Dear doctor,



Situation following, one year ago we have constructed the house and have gathered to live one big family - I, mum, the daddy, the grandfather and the grandmother with maminoj the parties or sides, is a lot of place everything, would seem - live yes be pleased! But far from it. Mum with the daddy - sacred people, with them we always lived in perfect harmony, and here with absolutely senior generation of a problem, basically, household property - cleanly senile moments (champing behind a table, inaccurate ispolzvoanie the general or common premises or rooms, dotage), but except for it or this it or him, apparently, boringly, and the best entertainment are a quarrel as among themselves, and with us, and an occasion it is not necessary, it can be everything. Clearly, that they need attention, but give to them it or him in such kind I can. I shall note as, that the mistress in the house - I it too, probably, somehow influences a situation. Gets to mum as she spends houses of time most Most and it or her it is a pity to me. Old men you will not alter, but what methods of protection can be selected or elected for protection against their psychological vampirism?



Thankful in advance for the answer,

Cale

[uksus]

Initial report Cale

Dear doctor,



Situation following, one year ago we have constructed the house and have gathered to live one big family - I, mum, the daddy, the grandfather and the grandmother with maminoj the parties or sides, is a lot of place everything, would seem - live yes be pleased! But far from it. Mum with the daddy - sacred people, with them we always lived in perfect harmony, and here with absolutely senior generation of a problem, basically, household property - cleanly senile moments (champing behind a table, inaccurate ispolzvoanie the general or common premises or rooms, dotage), but except for it or this it or him, apparently, boringly, and the best entertainment are a quarrel as among themselves, and with us, and an occasion it is not necessary, it can be everything. Clearly, that they need attention, but give to them it or him in such kind I can. I shall note as, that the mistress in the house - I it too, probably, somehow influences a situation. Gets to mum as she spends houses of time most Most and it or her it is a pity to me. Old men you will not alter, but what methods of protection can be selected or elected for protection against their psychological vampirism?



Thankful in advance for the answer,

Cale







Good afternoon.



Really, the life with older persons, at times, happens the extremely complex or difficult. Often the matter is that the changes occuring or happening with the years in an organism and mentality of the person. Inaccurate use of platitudes - most likely consequence or investigation of an adenoma. It is necessary to know, that household problems is a display of illness or disease, instead of hooliganism or malicious intention from the elderly person. Quarrels too do not deliver them of any pleasure, and are display not nasty character, and illness or disease.

Unfortunately, in our country visiting services are weakly developed and the family should incur all load of cares. Though, recently, such services have appeared and is possible or probable, it will solve some complex or difficult moments of a life.



What to do or make? To understand, that old men not huliganjat, and are ill or sick. To address to the good doctor-expert who can precisely diagnose and appoint or nominate adequate therapy. At times, to all grandmothers and grandfathers put in an out-patient department one diagnosis, and treat the same agents though in one case - Nootropilum, for example, quite good medicine, and in other is counter-indicative. I think, that normal treatment - should facilitate a status.



About itself too to forget it is not necessary. I perfectly understand, however or as the serious load lays now on your family. So, that if will find or consider necessary - address for the real help or to the psychologist or the psychotherapist. Your internal calmness and steadiness will help or assist only.

[shushona]

Thanks for the answer, humanly all I understand, clearly, that all of us sometime, give the god, we shall grow old, and sores, they sores and are, it is simply perceived as due, I understand, as character and mood directly depend on these sores.

Problems a little in other how to be protected from total disapproval, the tactless curiosity measured " kapanja on brains " and "dostavanija", discontent with all and all? Certainly, it is possible to try to ignore, to not react, all to write off or copy on their age, but you are sometimes broken, and they, such feeling as-as if for it or this and wait, a fertile subject for discussion for a week what the grand daughter at them negodjajskaja hamka, etc. For this reason develops impression, that in many cases they intentionally go on the conflict.

For an example I shall result or bring a situation: the grandfather likes to watch TV in a hall, is closer to people, laying on a sofa, the TV in other extremity or end of a hall to have a seat on an armchair near to tv does not want, but cuts a sound on full that from a sofa it was audible, as a result, all house flies up from vibration of sound frequencies, on the request to make more silently and to sit down the hysterics that he old and nothing hears is more close rolled up... The most remarkable, that the grandfather hears and overhears all conversations in the house which are conducted by half-whisper and is active in them vstrevaet so it is possible to draw the certain conclusions on a level of a status of its or his hearing also possible to assume, that at it or him not hearing bad, and to row it would be desirable



Whether it is possible to develop or produce somehow a habit to not be irritated in the answer, to not be angry, to not go with the conflict, to save calmness?



In advance thanks for the answer

[2]

Oh, as familiarly... Esteem something about power vampirism. Sometimes helps or assists. However, for a short while...



I wish you forces and patience - everything, that I can, as not the doctor.

[Leonid_E]

Yes, I read on this subject, the explanation was simple enough, in an old age reduction development or manufacture of an adrenaline, and by such ekshena older persons fill its or his disadvantage... At all I do not know, how much authentically... Alas, attempts to be a cat leopoldom with immemorial " children or guys, let's live amicably! " Yet do not help or assist

[ElenaM]

And I have got out of this bog through myself. Has taken a lot of time and result has come unexpectedly, as a by-effect. But internal rest, confidence of and ignoring of provocations (it was simple not up to them, has been borrowed or occupied by itself) have suddenly led to silence in the house and even to some fear me, as to the person, though earlier in a penny not stavli.



We change through themselves. Means, vampires from age and character (I do not believe, that quiet and liking with the years, even being ill or sick become such aggressive) understand and feel where it is impossible pozhivitsja.



I have lived with two such practically all life, I know about what I murmur.

[iryna_segal]

Initial report Medeya-M

And I have got out of this bog through myself. Has taken a lot of time and result has come unexpectedly, as a by-effect. But internal rest, confidence of and ignoring of provocations...



Ignoring of provocations - the correct approach, I support or maintain.



Here that me enrages, so it is their manner of behaviour " cost or stand there, go here ". That I did or made, all is peerly guilty. You speak: " so you so wanted, yoly- ". And me: " here so you mean me listened! "

I: " in following I shall demand to show requests in written form "

To me: " you that think at me a sclerosis?! " And in such spirit...

[Kindgott]

Initial report Talraona





Ignoring of provocations - the correct approach, I support or maintain.



Here that me enrages, so it is their manner of behaviour " cost or stand there, go here ". That I did or made, all is peerly guilty. You speak: " so you so wanted, yoly- ". And me: " here so you mean me listened! "

I: " in following I shall demand to show requests in written form "

To me: " you that think at me a sclerosis?! " And in such spirit...

Simply to ignore it is practically impossible to undermine from within, and in the house how to throw to a pomegranate.

Something has inside occured or happened, here it to the psychologist.))



But I have started to answer the rhetorical questions calculated on moeju decency and love.

-you think at me a sclerosis?

-yes.

Does not hear through a table, but hears whisper in other room.

-you do not hear? Can at you a fuse in ears? It is necessary to the doctor.

Then does not sleep week, suffers, have offended. But to the doctor has gone, fuses have washed up, to overhear has not ceased)))))))))



-you wish me to throw out from a balcony, hate me. (the former mother-in-law)

-yes. Could, would dump or reset.

Everything, without development of a subject. It was a thunder among a clear palate for it or her. Any more did not act voobe from similar sense as speeches.



The main thing as to me it became easy or light. I did not offend, I have answered a question - easy. Other yours problems.



-you ostvila me one (with the sister and the nephew that cares of her).

-with you to live it is impossible also can nobody. 31 year of a life with you enough. Remain I here, all the same would move down from you.



I thought, that they (my vampires) will sob and so on. No! In my opinion, they at all do not understand. But the vampire never recognizes the mistake or error, it destroys or blasts them from within, force of self-storage is stronger. And voobe, humanly, I have the rights to private life and the opinion. They have the right to tell or say, react to my acts, but have no right to impose opinion and manner to live.



And more. I badly represent as such people of a message to the doctor and how to treat. They not loonies, all of them understand also forget nothing.



But the most tremendous, that my ladies millet "have fallen off" me as komki a dry mud, the life washing has changed radically.

Means, It was a correct way, the doctor?

[Julia D]

Initial report Medeya-M



...

But I have started to answer the rhetorical questions calculated on moeju decency and love.

-you think at me a sclerosis?

-yes.

Does not hear through a table, but hears whisper in other room.

-you do not hear? Can at you a fuse in ears? It is necessary to the doctor.

Then does not sleep week, suffers, have offended. But to the doctor has gone, fuses have washed up, to overhear has not ceased)))))))))



-you wish me to throw out from a balcony, hate me. (the former mother-in-law)

-yes. Could, would dump or reset.

Everything, without development of a subject. It was a thunder among a clear palate for it or her. Any more did not act voobe from similar sense as speeches.



The main thing as to me it became easy or light. I did not offend, I have answered a question - easy. Other yours problems.



-you ostvila me one (with the sister and the nephew that cares of her).

-with you to live it is impossible also can nobody. 31 year of a life with you enough. Remain I here, all the same would move down from you.



I thought, that they (my vampires) will sob and so on. No! In my opinion, they at all do not understand. But the vampire never recognizes the mistake or error, it destroys or blasts them from within, force of self-storage is stronger. And voobe, humanly, I have the rights to private life and the opinion. They have the right to tell or say, react to my acts, but have no right to impose opinion and manner to live.



And more. I badly represent as such people of a message to the doctor and how to treat. They not loonies, all of them understand also forget nothing.

...



In my opinion, very reasonable approach, it is necessary to try or taste the house I while only I try to ignore provocations, to store or keep calmness, well and when will finish - I shout a bad voice that, as a matter of fact, and achieve

But, I shall tell or say to you, the unhealthy atmosphere of the house is heavy, there is no that rest and a relaxation which everyone searches for houses, at us it is necessary to be on the alert and ushki on a vertex

By the way, having analysed a situation, I understand, that is the wisest than itself in the house the daddy conducts, he really easy and directly answers rhetorical questions then questions do not arise any more

Thanks all for advice or councils!

[KBOB]

Thanks God I have a character as soon as at us the dog has died and mladshenkoj has got to me. As soon as I come home to me parents run up and start to get the meal or foolish questions che sit, I even cry one I can not, as an apartment small and not sprjachishsja.

And the room is not present, all I dream to move down, as I can not two days dazh in one apartment remove or take off to spend

[141]

Yes. : to save good relations with parents - it is necessary to leave in time from them. It works for young growth.

And that. Who is compelled or forced to live with old men in one house - just right to the doctor to go.

To ignore. To remember that they will die. To live the life and - besides - to remember, that their life is practically finished, - for this reason they and interfere with yours.

To tell or say to the children that they neither for what did not live nor with any parents when will grow.

[zavis]

iksja, honestly, to speak, that they will die as does not work, as well as silence is simple. And nobody is going to to die, at me, one has got or started fight-friend, at the second a cancer pancreatic and to spite of morses a third year "is healthy". Such people very much keep for a life, which ukorachiajut another. And voobshe so to think is a sin.))



Also they climb not from consciousness of completeness ihzhizni, at all are not present, they think, that they are eternal. But the control over someone, additional charging power is necessary.

And in general, never heard, that for it or this treat.



One my grandmother had that Alzajmer. I now understand it, but it absolutely other picture. It is illness or disease.

[Sanek %]

Sometimes catching of that is pleasant to respond at times in such spirit and to observe of their extending eyes...

The psychological sadism happens the pleasure gives to me. But already all has bothered also I simply I am silent, at me even the rage does not arise, only a boring and contempt...

Sentimental I become

[ruphila]

It seems to Me, I could not explain precisely... You Understand, I responded so not from sadistkogo pleasures, and is simple so it turned out. Earlier I could not such allow myself, education and character is visible so have been put. And then it has come from outside of, understand? Pair or steam questions, a steam answers and all has risen on places. Something from within was not pleasant to them, even zabespokoilo.





And it they psi.sadisty, instead of we.)))



Therefore I speak, simple use of a trick the decision time or temporary, reorganization of consciousness should occur or happen. I do not condemn them, I try to forgive or excuse, that is hard, as understand, for the poisoned years and years, but it is job above myself, instead of above them. Anything to them I do not explain, they are deaf or indistinct, their hour has not come.



From all can sounds delirium but if you knew AS it works! Nevertheless try to begin with itself. Let they will be a background, grumble of a surf behind a back.



I hope, the doctor is not strongly angry on me?

Anyway, such approach starts to help or assist my daughter, has not passed or has not taken place also year.))

[Sanjar]

Something is simply useless it or him to explain. It already at a level of physiology. Problems with shchitovidkoj in most cases...

[Juliavb]

This very simple explanation-justification.)))



You know, Tarlaona, I work all life with women and 10 years with elderly women. Years I see the same faces, I see changes in connection with illness or disease. Believe, the soft, decent or considerable person does not become suddenly the vampire. It from the category of mental problems. And such it is easy or light to accept, understanding the reason. And here tyrants from pleasure, it yes - the egoists covered love or even is frank Nedug. Ru without zazarenija conscience. According to such people only three percent or interests among us, and how much the pain vokug has more than them because touch.



I look at presence in an environment of such people as on a necessary way, that I should pass or take place and something to understand, about myself. Roads conduct all to ourselves.



Also it is not necessary to explain anything. A status of internal rest, here that them otvazhivaet, impossibility podpitatsja. As to that to come meaningly, it to the doctor.

[Margo29]

There are TWO SOSTOVLJAJUSHCHIE HAPPINESS: LOVE And SELF-REALIZATION. MAKE the RELATIVES HAPPY - GIVE THEM EVEN VISIBILITY of the LOVE (my complex or difficult attitudes or relations with mum have radically changed, koga I at the height of its or her cry have approached or suited and has embraced it or her: " Forgive or Excuse. Yes, I am not close or attentive to you. Here such we children not close or attentive. And you on that and parents to forgive us. Not because I you do not like it, is simple at me the problems mass and a head goes around. I for all of us try. You will forgive or excuse? " - also did not release or let off it or her while she has not calmed down. Mum, certainly, was stunned by such unusual behaviour. But began to vary.) also ALLOW THEM samorealizovyvatsja (THINK up FOR THEM the "IMPORTANT" BUSINESS And PRAISE, PRAISE!) Mum, for example, became more tasty or delicious to prepare, sew for me and the daughter, to grow up for us fruit-vegetables, to do or make jam-. And older persons need respect and attention - ask them to tell, how they acted in a youth, ask advice or council, tell about the feelings and difficulties. In fact the grandfather includes a sound on polnuuju loudness to declare the presence: " I am still alive!!. " Ottavajte it or him love and time voluntary then it is not required to them vampirit.

[talia]

??-vision, you consider or count, what it is necessary to make a step towards the first? Certainly, in such form how at you, steps towards were not, very close was, tried to embrace and kiss, coming home, tried to talk about affairs, about the spent day or bottom;fundus, about a "heroic" youth - while it is ineffectual, can, I in something am not right? Something not so I do or make? Understand, it is impossible to give the love to those who does not require her, and here what they require, I while could not find out.

To my grandmother even visibility has put difficultly to think up, therefore as 73 she has already turned to the (or itself has transformed) in the shabby old woman, any assignment or order uses for an opportunity "otlynivanija" owing to " poor health and bad samochustvija " if has insufficiently clearly explained - she simply nothing wants (and often and is valid cannot) to do or make, but wants, that it or her eulogized for proshnye merits - real, and in particular for imaginary.

And she perceives displays of love for delicacy and literally mounts upon a neck - drivels, represents the dying old woman, arranges a solo performance with her in a leaging role is to not describe, it should be seen.

My grandfather deserves separately the story



In the given situation for me any output or exit, any selected tactics it is bad, as she does not bring desirable results - the world, calmness and good mutual relations in the house.

[argo]

The Situation of ??-vision is more similar on my personal with my daughter. They are normal people and normal attitudes or relations. And vampirjat not from a disadvantage of love, it, unfortunately, congenital and oslozhnjajusheesja in the course of time.

[Syberia]

Medeya-M the Situation of ??-vision is more similar on my personal with my daughter. They are normal people and normal attitudes or relations. And vampirjat not from a disadvantage of love, it, unfortunately, congenital and oslozhnjajusheesja in the course of time. [/QUOTE]

Medeya-M, it is glad, that with your daughter good relations, but it do not agree, that vampirism is congenital. Old and sick people once too were small joyful children and gave, gave, gave... But by virtue of the wrong outlook imposed by adults, they have lost touch with a source of boundless energy (will name its or his God). Vampirism is a variant energoobmena, is more correct energozahvata (at strong shortage of energy) at the HORIZONTAL LEVEL, i.e. between people. Each person has an opportunity to consume protogenic energy ON the VERTICAL, t. e. From the Founder. Only many have littered the liaison channels with It or him. It is possible to help or assist for the relatives to clear their channels by means of the certain techniques. But it is a subject not a psychological forum, and ezotericheskogo.

[Rybonka]

Cale, the previous record more likely for you. With one addition: to the person it is not given situations not on forces are the lessons necessary for development of soul or douches.

[Osina]

Ezoterizma? And only?

I can judge on the old men whom I observe from the cradle. Both of them were egoistkami and gave not without a ulterior motive, all time expecting "payment".



The heap of the literature on this subject is studied. And only more recently such people "have recognized" and have found ways of "struggle" against them.



Its or Her time I shall repeat, I do not believe in the open, disinterested which have become or begun by tortures sobvstvennyh children. Such do not become, such are born.

When a brain and a body it is depressed by the diagnosis it is other song, I every day hear it or her. These are different things.



The respect for an old age, in general, it is necessary. But to respect with the one who meaningly does or makes to you by painfully refined way, and then speaks about the love... It sado-.



At each of us the old men and different diagnoses.

I speak about the which of thirty items or points respond 16- for statement of such diagnosis as: " the Manipulator - the destroyer "! And it is enough 5-.

[lotr]

That I can tell or say in protection of old men, that their behaviour can be caused or called by a marasmus. Here again to take offence it is impossible. Because imaginations arise such, that takes horror that occurs or happens to soul of the person when he becomes old. Marasmatic old men start to suspect of all sins - at them something has stolen someone, still has somehow offended. Such impression, what is it any more they.

I now itself have collided or faced with it or this, I try to be tolerant. But I can not communicate - I feed, I clean or remove in a room at the grandmother, but here easier or simply to talk forces is not present, though it is a shame with myself

[alison]

I share experience of -vision, yesterday has tried potihonechku to start to introduce the scheme or plan love-self-realization, like evening we have gone through without scandals, the truth dear or expensive grandmother at once has solved, that the grand daughter has given slabinu, therefore it is possible for her to sit down on a head with an inexhaustible stream of teaching memoirs on its or her heroic youth, and also under shumok to discuss vnuchkinu exclusively personal zhist, the stream has been politely interrupted on method Medeya-M - like has worked, the truth, I am afraid, not for a long time, I shall be on the alert, on the further succession of events I shall inform

[Aeron]

the Initial report brightgirl

That I can tell or say in protection of old men, that their behaviour can be caused or called by a marasmus. Here again to take offence it is impossible. Because imaginations arise such, that takes horror that occurs or happens to soul of the person when he becomes old. Marasmatic old men start to suspect of all sins - at them something has stolen someone, still has somehow offended. Such impression, what is it any more they.

I now itself have collided or faced with it or this, I try to be tolerant. But I can not communicate - I feed, I clean or remove in a room at the grandmother, but here easier or simply to talk forces is not present, though it is a shame with myself

If I only under an old age were marazmatichny. Eh... As a marasmus at us does not smell, memory will be better than mine.

But it seems to me, that understanding a status of the sick person where it is easier to be adjusted or be set up most on the wave necessary to us. It is possible to not listen at all with very close or attentive kind and to assent, knowing by heart all histories it is not difficult. Then they are simply happy. But if there is no time and it is necessary to something to borrow or occupy, to not be justified, and to explain and all. To take offence or not it already their right. All of them understand more, than it seems to us.