I wish to offer on your court, or discussion the history. At once I shall make a reservation, ch...

[Raisa]

I wish to offer on your court, or discussion the history. At once I shall make a reservation, that it is not necessary to search here guilty, it or him here is not present, and if the return will seem to you, this my insufficient skill to state a problem. I 9 years married (civil marriage), at us a perfect daughter 3, 5. My husband without mind or wit from it or her and it is doubtless from me. I in turn tested to it or him;them certainly love which has passed in due course in less passionate, but more strong feeling - feeling of attachment and respect. In obshchem-that from, ideal family. I am more senior than the husband for 7 years, but it never affected our life, I am simple it or this did not notice. It is unique, that was not ordinary in our family is that a source of existence (and enough quite good), always there was I. So has developed, that the husband that studied, could not find suitable job sat with a daughter. It at all did not touch me, in difference from associates. Yes, I contained family, not everyone the man can overtake in it or this me, but I not in which case do not brag these or it;this, simply I try to state the facts. All was remarkable, while with me there was no LOVE! At once running, that I forward shall tell or say strong enough, self-sufficient person whom never and nothing will allow to break or disturb rest of own family, and what concerns or touches any personal sympathies is was chopped off on a root, and in obshchem-that turned out. But here I have simply ceased to learn or find out myself, I could not master the feelings. As to a subject of my adoration all that has been told or said above about me to within trifles can be translated or transferred and on its or his history of a life, from that only a difference, that children two. Especially I wish to emphasize, that he also did not allow anybody and anything though kak-that to break rest of family. And here just that case, happens such, TWO man and the woman, have found each other. I did not believe earlier, that at two person can be so much in common. Forces to tear these attitudes or relations at anybody simply is not present. But also to fracture families Though they already are half broken. My husband, its or his wife in a course of an event. The difference only that my husband, vse-taki not having sustained, has left on pol-year for other country, and its or his wife honesty irons shirts and cooks a borshch. It already lasts more half a year. Periodically appealing each other to reason, we tried kak-to break off that our communication or connection - but a pain which followed it or this, anyway I, could not go through and all twisted on new. As it is not strange, my husband has forgiven or excused me, besides, he continues to like me - former, even even more strongly and hopes, that I "perebeshus" and all will be - old. Reason I only for, but heart will soon return the husband, it is necessary to something to solve. What? Or barbarous image to both to destroy that feeling about which earlier I at all did not know, did not know, what it is possible so to like, or to fracture two families?

[Gl.]

You too highly appreciate yourselves. This or thus the first. The second - to two identical people to get on it will be impossible. To you it is good, while you separately. If will be together you again begin to boss. He will not bear or not take out it or this. Consequences - corresponding or meeting. Therefore if advice or council is necessary to you - that think of the husband and that you with it or him do or make. You in family had a change of roles. It is very bad, especially for the daughter. And you too has affected or has had an effect. You the pride aspire to hammer in all other personal problems. Forgive or excuse, if something seemed insulting.

[Anna]

And can be neglect all??? Because the decision "to destroy" - violent... But then it is necessary "krushchit" the families... On the other hand, polovinki meet infrequently.... Oh, Raisa... It is necessary to you to puzzle... But and if all already all the same about it or this have learned or have found out??? What teper to lose??? Can it is necessary to risk?

[Lija]

Raisa, and whether you can live with same strong the man? In fact here you will constantly compete, let is even not any. Present household problems, as though you have solved them. Voobshchem you should feel, what is it YOURS the man, can and it is necessary to risk.

[Anton]

It agree with Gl. And Majej (except for 01 : 32 : 15). Any new attitudes or relations, especially the first on the party or side, seem sent with heavens. But experience which by the way at you is not present, shows, that these attitudes or relations seem such only in those conditions in which they have arisen and exist at present. That is when both of you are connected by families. Simply at attitudes or relations on the party or side is much at first sight advantages before attitudes or relations in marriage or spoilage. But advantages quickly disappear, when you transform these attitudes or relations into the same, but already new marriage or spoilage. Besides, you fine should understand, that not always people who at the initial stage of attitudes or relations think equally, can live happily subsequently together. In general, on a life to us there are many people, which as in the beginning, we think as think as we. But as a result of disappointments it appears much more than acknowledgement or confirmations of our ideas. Here certainly it is complex or difficult to us to estimate or appreciate all situation to the full, but I tend to that you should remain with the husband and gradually to bring to nothing attitudes or relations with another the man. Here all depends on many factors. All taki probability of that, what is it - your destiny, is very small, and you risk very much much.

[Elena]

Listen not to reason, and heart. " The broken cup you will not stick together ". For the sake of what to save old families, when there is no love. And more, in fact nobody will forbid to communicate with children. And your husband always will be the father for your child, and your beloved will be the father for the children. Yes, it will be very sick to its or his wife and your husband. But there can and be at them a chance to meet then the polovinki.

[___]

Anton, the probability theory here is absolutely inappropriate. Well from what you have taken, that " All taki probability of that, what is it - your destiny, is very small, and you risk very much much. "??? I would refrain from similar words. And if it really DESTINY? In fact many people get or start families, give birth or travail to children, not feeling " yes, this I, is destiny ". Raisa strong enough and reasonable person who has was in this world. She is not similar to the near girl who rushes to a whirlpool with a head and confuses love to passion. Raisa, can, it is necessary once again to try to save family? Well and if to not turn out, then... To fracture: (((

[Anton - ___]

Yes is not present, I do not approve or confirm, I have assumed. Only on the basis of that people meet the destiny less often, than get in a situation of deceptive charm. Here and all estimation of probability. Consider or count, what I am not right in a similar estimation? Simply so it is possible to reduce in general all to dispute " And if yes and if is not present ". And everyone will be right, because the future is not known by anybody. From us in fact advice or council, the help is required. And the decision to accept all the same to heroin or heroine. My advice or council - to remain in family. I do not consider or I count, that from family there were ruins.

[___]

And m.. It also is that case - one one million? And, having remained in family, Raisa will not forgive or excuse to itself then, what has refused love in the name of public ideals? Hardly its or her husband will be happy, living near to the woman who does not like it or him.

[Anna]

While Raisa to not dare to try or taste new attitudes or relations so we shall tell or say, on durability in a life - all the same all advice or councils will seem senseless. In fact to throw the person (good in every respect than the husband) is much more serious, than when throw you (as it is sad). If this person agrees new attitudes or relations, agrees to throw family and to connect a life with Raisa is speaks about much. How much we here heard how women try to dissolve men as men promise them a quiet life with liked, only after divorce, here only divorce all does not come in any way and does not come... Here, as I have understood, a situation another... Raisa then all life Turns out will be is excruciated from an idea that has offered the, perhaps, edinstvennoju by love in a life for the sake of family and the child.. I can malicious and bad, whether but thanks then to her vrjad-somebody will tell or say for it....

[Elen]

At me here then a question... Probably, not modest.:) but you have written and reflect on a subject, that to you to do or make... And why for the whole 9 years you and have not got married, and consist only in an informal civil marriage, even in spite of the fact that the child (usually after that even the most inveterate fans or amateurs of freedom okoltsovyvajut each other was born:))? That is from the very beginning of both arranged, what there are ways to deviation? Whether in it or this all is covered?;) CHego-you do not finish speaking something, including the family "ideal".

[Lija]

And hardly attitudes or relations in family will remain former. I do not wish to tell or say, that will be bad, but the trace remains in any case.

[Anton]

Elen: By the way, it is very correctly noticed.
Anna and ___: I have specially written, that it is not necessary to reduce our discussion to dispute " And if yes and if is not present ". You speak: And if it is that case? And I speak you in the answer: And if is not present, another? And we at deadlock. I to you can cite as an example in the same way one thousand reasons on which the heroine can regret about sodejannom in the future if she will throw the husband. And too I shall be right, as well as you. So let's not guess. Further, likely it is not necessary taki to hurry up all to name the novel love, and the husband of the heroine, its or his feeling to the wife and the child, the wife of that of the man and its or her feeling, 3 h broshenyh children - only public ideals. And happy it is possible to be, even living with liked, but the person not liking you. To all we do not know plus, the desire of the man to destroy is how much great and the family, there can be it is limited only to words and he on it will not go never. So here as they say it is a lot of But. And when it is a lot of But, I choose that that is already constructed. Because to destroy easily, and here to construct new... By the way, for the sake of family and the child at times much endow. Let alone novels. And thanks her for it will tell or say to that too.

[___]

Anton, you in something are right, undoubtedly. To argue uselessly. Simply we have two different opinions - that's all. I consider or count as public ideals not feelings of concrete people, and feeling of a duty or debt from which Raisa should attack a throat to own song. To another to give advice or councils easily, and you present yourselves on its or her place. Think, so simply and easily will refuse love and will go to dear, but already unloved wife?
To be happy, living with the person who does not like you is easier distortion. I such did not meet.

[Raisa-]

Attitudes or Relations have not been issued for one simple reason - my husband has citizenship of other country, and in our country - former to marry the foreigner very much the greater or big problem. We some times tried to start to make out these attitudes or relations, but and there was no bureaucratic courage to finish them. Besides personally for me it has no basic attitude or relation.

[Anna-Anton]

Anton, you are right.. Are right... Simply the bowl of weights or balances is represented to me... That's all... When my mum speaks me, that for the sake of us with the sister has lived with the daddy 33 years, and could, but has not made..., etc., and I always do not know, how themselves messages and that to her to tell or say on it.. Here therefore I and about "thanks" have told or said.... No more that...

[Anton - Anna]

And my father speaks the same, the truth basically when quarrels with mum. But on a background of it or this does not forget to add, that it is happy that it or he has I. Also cannot present the life without me. Though in due time has made it would seem a precipitate step to remain with me. And I speak him thanks that he with us. If all of us knew beforehand, that will occur or happen in our life there would be no it of a forum.:))

[Elen]

On it should notice, that for last two years at me three girlfriends have married foreigners, such it was not valid seryoznyh problems. Perhaps, them also would arrange to live a civil marriage. But they very much wished to legalize attitudes or relations as well as their liked meny, and have passed or have taken place for the sake of it or this all instances, not too it has been intolerable hardly. Also there are besides many pairs where both citizens of this country, consist years in a civil marriage, that is not complexities to marry the foreigner are predetermining. It seems to me, here business not in formality, and cleanly psychologically. However, I shall not concentrate attention more on this question. As to concrete your situation... Hardly someone can something precisely advise. There can be a love, and can strast-delusion, which at times arises from routine, and on the basis of only above stated no experienced psychologist will put "diagnosis" to your attitudes or relations. Only time could something show. Probably, it is necessary to find out, how much or as far as seryozno from it or him, in fact he is married. Now you with it or him each other - an outlet, but it is easy or light to speak, while both at someone, zhene-the husband and as business really reaches extreme measures, all can turn out - to another. There are many men who prefer to meet someone who will fill with it or him that lacks them - at times for love they accept the need or requirement to test novelty, an acuteness of sensations, but thus physically cannot submit on divorce with the wife, not wishing it or her to injure, what firstly they spoke in an impulse of feelings. You are assured, what will turn out not so? You so well know it or him? At times in such status you see only advantages and you do not see disadvantages. Therefore it is not necessary to cut in a temper. I do not know what to advise. The husband has returned - it is possible to try to be with it or him any time, to recollect all good, that was kogda-that, or something to change - for example, go kuda-that together with the husband and the child to have a rest. Eventually, the new person would began to forgive to you all and to like and wait - former, it appear he in the same situation in which there was your husband? Well and if continuing to live with the husband will start to exhaust itself an idea of own sacrifice in relation to it or him;them: here I for the sake of you have offered "chance", have missed the destiny (not the fact, that destiny, but in fact such ideas can occur), and whether you cost or stand it or this, my beloved..., etc. and then there can be accordingly a slow disgust for the person which is not guilty that you have made such decision and which quite dostoin of that thought only about itself and did not blame... Here this most disgusting in attitudes or relations of two people. One girlfriend has decided so "to offer".. . In half a year of such victim the husband not thrown by her or it already on a wall climbed, itself has wanted to divorce - it or he was got with its or his "fault" which he subconsciously felt, and from here its or her cavils which she tried to constrain of which there and then repented, but... At them attitudes or relations as a result have ended naiotvratnejshim with image, as at two enemies. And could in fact - good to miss. In general, try to not destroy anything and to be with the husband and if such ideas will arise, to miss, and will develop further or will not develop - unimportantly - it is necessary to be and ready to burn the krylyshki on disappointment. I understand, that my answer is washed away or dim up to a disgrace. But here anybody precisely will not tell or say, that to you to do or make. Only you can understand the feelings.

[Anton - ___]

Basically, always, giving or allowing advice or councils, I try to present myself on a place of the heroine, and I speak how I would make, being on its or her place. Otherwise it is difficult to estimate or appreciate a situation. It can be uneasy, but I most likely shall refuse such attitudes or relations and I shall go to the family, to unloved, but to the wife dear by me and the child, my child with whom I have lived already many years, and have much gone through. Perhaps, a difference what I the man, and you and the heroine - women?

[Anna]

Anton of the rights.....

[ljudmila]

- To mine your liked at all prelagaet to you to change radically your attitudes or relations, namely to frame new family and to pull down old, it seems to me is necessary to check up still the chuvstva-polgoda-small term, in fact anybody to you does not forbid to be liked, though and is serious so to live

[Raisa]

It is very grateful to everyone who has responded on my message and has expressed the opinion. It would be desirable to clear a situation in two questions. The first is time of our acquaintance. More half a year is here term of our close dialogue. We know each other the whole ten years, and all this time kogda-that is more persevering, kogda-that less, he tried to draw my attention, but is ineffectual. I knew, that very much I like him but then I still could supervise the emotions. Therefore to speak about that, has what is it arisen spontaneously and has gone, has gone, here it is wrong. The second moment is a so-called household part of a question. Do not forget, that I have lived nine years home life and I know, that such the man in a life. Believe, to me it not in burden - to erase and iron man's shirts, cowards, etc. Therefore "to frighten" me of a joint life with the beloved it or this it is not necessary.
And more one would be desirable to tell or say. To me 34 years, yes, I for the life fell in love, liked, but I did not test such feeling never. Believe, this happiness when you wish to see the person of 25 hours per day day by day, thus saturation by dialogue with it or him does not come, but only on the contrary. Thanks.

[grodno]

raiska, yes like and do or make how you would like. You the self-sufficient woman also have deserved love

[Nata]

To live with the unloved person, even for the sake of children - it is immoral. IMHO.

[Anton - Raisa]

For God's sake, to you is more visible! Your Life and to risk, lose something, to get, be responsible for the acts too to you. We have simply expressed the opinion and have tried to protect you from rash acts! Success!