lelja
26.08.2004, 08:50
Your advice or council in occasion of one my problem which became the basic in my life is necessary for me. I shall begin all over again. Two years ago I have addressed to the psychologist for the help iz-that my appearance has ceased to like me. My figure always excited me, t. To. I very strongly lagged behind in physical development the contempoparies. A menses at me have begun 16, the breast to this day was not generated, and in the rest I was very thin. And I very much experienced iz-for all of it or this. Often cried, but hoped, what is it will soon change. But nothing improved also trouble accrued or increased. Having entered the university I have removed it on the second plan. But during one moment this all has collected also I began in addition to old to carp at the face. It became obsession. As a result to me have diagnosed dipressija and began to stuff with antidepressants (amitriptyline, galoperedol, Triphtazinum, tsikladol). I have a little calmed down and have solved while I drink medicines to borrow or occupy in a figure: Began to eat much drank beer yeast and has gone on simulators. For 4 5 mes-in I have typed or collected 12. It very much pleased me. I was not similar any more to the child, and similar to the adult girl. But I still experienced, that my face has changed, became ugly. Cheeks became full and it oppressed me. And then I have decided to dump or reset pair superfluous kg. But I have simultaneously got on a a diet, have gone on shaping and have ceased to accept antidepressants at once. I ate was afraid to recover a little. In the beginning it was difficult, but then I have got used to eat a little. And I have very quickly grown thin. When has reached or achieved at last that that I wanted was outside of myself from happiness. To me it was not believed, that I should not be hidden in silly things if only though kak-that to resemble the adult girl, instead of on the girl. All was ideal for me. During that moment at body height 163 I weighed 48. But it last not for long, after a while I have grown thin still. And now it frightened me. And I have again decided to recover a little. But this time it was not easy or light. I could not eat much and I had to force myself. But that I pushed all into myself I there and then pulled out. I began to experience very much and I had a pavor, that I shall grow thin till those sizes what I was earlier before has recovered. I have gone again on simulators, tried to keep all of them references, but all the same grew thin. And they made a helpless gesture. I have bypassed all possible or probable doctors, vtom number nonconventional medicine, but all repeated, that vidzhimyh the reasons are not present, but I all the same grew thin day by day. Doctors have found only a gastritis and dizbakterioz. I very much was nervous cried, I did not understand, that occurs or happens, of what I always dreamed and that should be under all laws of the nature (in fact I should kogda-to recover and be issued that) thew on eyes. Each time waking up I went to a mirror and longly spent comparative har-ku that was yesterday, that today and that is a lot of years back. Pereprobyvala all the ways long, has touched all meditsieskuju the literature, including on psychology (I know about such disease as anareksija, but votlichie from much that I read monthly at me have not stopped) Has ceased to sleep at night, awfully was nervous. Tried to adjust or set up itself what soon to be restored. What only ideas at me were not. But it would seem me any illness or disease which has arranged is possible to cure if only not that that was earlier. Approached or suited to a mirror it was convinced, what is it yet that" and more less quiet departed. Speaking myself thus that all the same there will be such what I want. And when started to think as it or this to achieve, again came to an idea mind, what is it to not turn out, and time I till now thin that should grow thin all the same up to "that" status and times yet " I shall be hudeti further and and it turned out. Despite of all this I tried to look or appear well, watched or kept up myself, starlas to pick up things which to me would go. But from time to time nerves did not maintain I came home and longly cried, then consoled itself in an idea, that I shall not remain such all the same I shall recover as I want and continued to struggle further though forces any more did not suffice on what. My way of life very much has deteriorated: jazapustila study, badly slept and ate, tried to come off gde-nibud with friends to forget everything did not wish anybody to see, I was irritated with any trifle. Now - to mine I was cunning up to that what before (thin) though I can not tell or say for hundred percent or interests, I all the same each time looking at myself try I shall compare and understand still to grow thin or not. To me of 20 years, body height 163, weight 38 39. Why it has occured or happened and vchem my fault? Or I have recovered iz-for medicines (antidepressants) and have then dumped or reset up to a former status. Explain to me and advise, that to me to do or make now. JAochen I wish to recover on 5 6 kg. And simply idea that I such also shall always me simply kills. I seem to me and I live only because I hope for that that all to be adjusted. In fact I even with guys do not represent any attitudes or relations without it or this. I any more do not speak about family, children, serious job, in fact me all and will perceive everywhere as the child. And I very much oskarbljajus even if me am simple in the bus will name the girl, instead of the girl. Now I have become isolated oto all: the friends familiar, close, the liked person. I communicate as required and all. At all I do not know as myself to perceive. With each left kg. Perceived itself on new, and already I do not know. Each time with all I behave - new. I feel still chut-hardly and jasojdu from mind or wit. But prnimat again these medicines I do not want. What to me to do or make? I look forward to your advice or council. In fact I am excruciated with this problem of more year.