Violence? How to live after that?

[pima]

Doctor Grieg! I know many women who were victims of violence - I speak both about sex, and about psychological. How to be, if it already with happens? And how to prevent it or him? Well that, as to sex, in the slightest degree clearly, and here as to psychological?

[T.JU.]

It was ideal bo to find the person with whom you will feel in full safety to which unconditionally you trust. Will go through much easier.

[zinaida]

And if it or him is not present? And then such does not happen.

[Stomatologist]

__, friends, girlfriends? Family, at last? I do not think, that in your life there is no person close to you.

[oncolog]

__

There is no that? Mudchin with which it is comfortable?

You surprise me dear or expensive women)

[ALeX180]

As a rule after the events connected with violence ability to trust some or a little bit it is lost.

Also there are things which someone is complex or difficult enough to entrust

[Lena And.]

Here it is no doubt perfect or absolute. But to speak that such men is not present, and to believe it or him more it is impossible is simply wrong If do not wish to trust, you even in a normal status will search for the reason.

[Lesya 25]

Yes I to that that all not so am simple " want - trust ", I to what how to get out of a status? To not force itself continually? And then this trust till any moment - and then the person is again hidden in a skin...

[ashot]

The Most difficult, but the most effective - to accept this situation, to understand, forgive or excuse. In fact you in what are not guilty!!! And even a good way to tell about all someone, better to absolutely stranger. On an Internet, personally. Somehow. I know, what is it works.

[Elena With.]

[

Good afternoon. A subject really very important. You have correctly noticed, that the tragedy consists not only in sex violence, and over violence psychological, in the fact of compulsion.

Let's understand. We shall begin that we shall draw a psychological portrait the possible or probable tyrant.

Whence tyrants undertake? Differently, " what for the girl to steal, if it or she can be persuaded ". The answer is simple - to force the woman the one who cannot "persuade" is compelled or forced; or considers or counts, that cannot.

The potential tyrant, as a rule, suffers various complexes. In that chile it is horrified from an idea to approach or suit to the girl and to meet. Often such people, by means of "curve" logic come to conclusion: if girls do not like me, I shall force them itself to grow fond! Popular wisdom says: "love cannot be ordered". But to him it is not necessary to love - desire more often to not revenge almost all women want. And, once having risen on road of violence and having remained thus unpunished, such person for certain will repeat the act both second time, and the third At it or him in a head is fixed the fact, that all is legal to him, that is quite admissible to solve the problems in such a way.



Very approximately tyrants can be divided or undressed on two groups.



The first are the people being on the verge of an alienation or having the extremely non-standard outlooks on life. They very carefully prepare for the attack, blocking the planned victim all possible or probable ways of flight. Can aspire to rape the certain victim. And here it is not important, whether she has put or rendered to him any insults. To this group concerns notorious CHikatilo. They " relieve the world " of prostitutes or women in black stockings. The representative of this group without ceremony can have a reputation for the remarkable family man, the perfect husband and the father. However it at all will not prevent to humiliate to him all others.



The second - emotionally blunt. They at times at all do not understand, that make violence. Simply do or make that would be desirable them at present. As children want that see. At times they are guided by the certain simplified conclusions. For example, if at itself the woman has undressed even to a bathing suit - hence, is obliged to be given. And it or him does not excite, that this woman can so to not consider or count. Having come to the friend, quite often snatches on it or her only because has supposedly remained with me alone - means give!



Unites their one (about it or this already much where it was spoken) violence - an attribute not forces, and delicacies. By the way to tell or say, in prison of tyrants do not like and in every possible way humiliate just because not terribly and even it is pleasant to attack the frank weakling. Tyrants grow from the humiliated, suppressed and hammered people - is knowingly spoken, that the violence generates violence: as a rule



Now about victims of violence. There are three groups of people which especially often become victims of any violence - and sex in particular.

1. Very obedient. As a rule, it is children or adults, from such detok grown or evolved to that parents, it is very good vdolbili in a head, that adults, and and always, it is necessary to obey all. And in no event it or him not perechit! To be obedient them have forced, yes have forgotten to explain, that people happen different and that in a head at them can be not only intention to treat a sweet for obedience.

When the suspicious person in the street approaches or suits to such people and asks to make something inadequate, or in general simply pulls for an arm or a hand in a dark gate, it or him is simple in a head does not come to resist or call to the aid.

2. Too good. It or He;They is very important for were and remain good, they want, that anybody and has never thought of them badly. Such lady for what will not refuse a trip to the lift if after her in a cabin obviously suspicious type has entered - she is afraid or to offend the person suspicion, or to seem a silly woman-, the coward or the foolish woman.

She hopes, as this time "will carry by". And its or her fellow traveller, especially if he from "blunt", can quite think, at its or her such behaviour: Aha, and the young woman that wants pobyt with the man very much series and consequently it in advance agree!

3. Too zakompleksovannye. In the majority it is women who have an internal unconscious interdiction on sex. To her in the childhood have inspired, that sex is a dirty employment or occupation . The pier the decent girl never wants sex and which shows though the slightest initiative in dialogue with men, at least, last whore...

The behaviour such women almost specially provokes the possible or probable tyrant. Naturally, absolutely unconsciously, - because other ways to intimal affinity seem to her immoral. At times neosoznanno aspire to rape and zamuzhnie women who do not receive necessary satisfaction in matrimonial sex.

One thousand times those who advises are wrong "to relax and take pleasure". Nobody guarantees, that intentions of the tyrant will be limited only to sex! Can be both any mockeries, and heavy physical injuries, and murder. In fact tyrants so are afraid of the victims that prefer to not leave them in alive.

Therefore - now about that, what to do or make how to protect itself how to foresee a situation in advance, to not get in it or her.

More often, having appeared alone with suspicious type, the potential victim involuntarily shows a fright. For certain the possible or probable tyrant not preminet to use the moment: rarely someone was frightened of it or him! Therefore in an ambiguous situation if you in it or her have got, it is not necessary bezvolno to shiver, as the sheep tail.

If threat of your safety became more or less obvious, it is possible to try to show and the physical superiority. Be not afraid, as many, to put or render mutilations for which it is necessary to respond before the law. I can tell or say, what even if it is necessary to respond, it is better to testify in court, but alive than to be silent, but laying in beautiful grobike?

Your defense should be resolute! We shall tell or say, if you are assured, that your impact will cause or call a painful shock in the tyrant - operate or work. If you are going to to be limited only to desperate gestures and cries of a helpless victim is for certain it will cause or call reciprocal aggression. Unimportantly, in what place you will give your tyrant - on a head or on a head, it is important, that after that impact to him some time not wanted to rise And you in the meantime seek safety in flight. In it or this too there is nothing shameful. Eventually, your purpose - to not hammer in it or him up to mors but only to rescue or save the life and health.

If the tyrant deafened by you starts to come to the senses, and you cannot get to anywhere (in the same lift doors do not open, the dispatcher, etc. does not respond) - a sin to advise such, but in a similar situation it is possible to put or render and more significant damages.

Sometimes the method, as the preliminary reference or manipulation to the potential tyrant behind the help and protection operates or works. In fact to him the sexual certificate or act frequently is not important: it is necessary to tower only in own eyes. If you will help or assist him to feel the superiority differently also the need or requirement for violence can be gone.

Let you will be guarded with atypical things, for example, if you have caught the machine or car and have seen, that in a passenger door the handle from within is unscrewed.

In general if each potential victim psychologically to prepare to that she should and can protect itself and if possible or probable tyrants will know, that anybody is not afraid of them - that is the best prophylaxis of rapes!

The life a piece ambiguous, and everyone in her happens.



How to be that who for this or that reason has already fallen a victim to violence?

First of all, to get rid of feeling of fault. It is your trouble, instead of wine or fault. If you will not be engaged samoedstvom - further all aftertreatment will be much easier.

It is not necessary to choose between false shame and health. To secure itself against possible or probable venereal diseases, it is necessary to try to get as soon as possible in the nearest KVD.

Whether to go to militia? A question very much and very ambiguous to solve it or him is only to you. On the one hand: the violence should be punished even that there was no temptation a misfortune once again. On the other hand, whether you through humiliating interrogations, examinations, possible or probable prizrenie are ready to pass or take place significant people for you

As to most psihotravmy violence it or she has two phases - acute and chronic. In the first phase the basic sensations - a pain, humiliation, feeling of a mud. As consequence or investigation - unconscious aspiration to be washed up. Certainly, if you have decided to address in law enforcement bodies, it is considered, that it is better to not wash - a pier so you destroy traces. But if for reduction of an adequate status it is necessary for you to take a shower even - make it. Eventually, to the inspector can leave the dirty linen.

Sometimes before visit to militia it is useful to come into a fracture clinic and to fix or record all grazes and the ecchymoses put or rendered by the tyrant (let the doctor will especially note, that damages are characteristic for a situation of rape).

The main thing - to not allow an acute phase psihotravmy to pass in chronic in which all bright emotions calm down and as are erased. There Is a knocked down feeling of fault, humiliation, sensation of own delicacy and embitternment on all others. In fact the most terrible in the gone through violence - at all that it has occured or happened. Impressions from gone through are thrust in the most distant angle of memory as psychologists speak are superseded. But, continue to work, framing "inexplicable" and "insuperable" problems.

Do not hesitate of the desire to be uttered and have a good cry. It is natural emission of negative emotions. Certainly, to tell all it is possible only for reliable enough person - to the friend or the relative. However consider, that from such messages the close person can become limp itself instead of you to take. Also you can call on special phone for victims of violence there the professionals knowing work what to do or make in such situations. You can entrust the experiences to a diary. Do not hesitate, if necessary to address to the psychotherapist or the psychologist.



(The material is taken from books and several sites on the Internet).