Sozavisimost and supervising behaviour

[?*amp; etlanka]

Good evening.



I try to recover independently from sozavisimosti. The partner has boundary frustration of the person. Perhaps, will help or assist to understand, whether there is a speech about kontrollirujushchem behaviour for my part in a following situation:



I and my young man we cooperate on one business in connection with which he needed to be sent the important letter to Tuesday. In the evening on Tuesday I quiet tone ask, whether he has sent the letter. He speaks: *quot; Yes, do not worry, I have sent it or him. And quot; I forget about business. In 3 days, on Friday, I learn or find out, that the letter has been passed to its or his colleague which has sent it or him only today, on Friday.



I catch the young man in a lie. He, probably, to admit pavor, that has passed its or his colleague to the signature and has charged to him to send the letter, has told or said to me clearly enough, that the letter has sent with own hand. We quarrel, I cannot calm down. I speak, what is it not for the first time. The conflict. I feel anger and insult on the young man. I can not forgive or excuse it or him.



Question following: whether is my reaction in this case typical reaction sozavisimogo the person or whether there was she normal? That is, whether it is necessary to me to work convincing itself, what my reaction in this situation is not justified? Whether my behaviour in this case manipuljativnym Is? Perhaps, would be more correct than it or him to forgive or excuse on a place, not looking at importance has put and to not inflate or fan a situation? Help or assist, please. It is difficult to me to understand.

[Anjutiny Ajz]

What versions at you in this occasion? Whether there Are variants of own answer to questions? I understand, what is difficult, but better to understand, what exactly is difficult, than simply to receive a reinforcement how you think?

[voleb_a_e]

What versions at you in this occasion? Whether there Are variants of own answer to questions? I understand, what is difficult, but better to understand, what exactly is difficult, than simply to receive a reinforcement how you think?



Versions can be 2.

1. Anger in the given situation - supervising behaviour for my part where the problem, probably, is not necessary vyedennogo eggs. In such situation I should work above the emotions, to constrain them, to not provoke its or his pavor to my new anger. Probably, the person is afraid of my reaction and consequently does or makes so, that provokes in me this reaction. The idea about provotsirovanii at me has appeared on a background of similar cases. For example, one month ago I leaved abroad and have asked it or him to hand over books in library. Has asked, whether he can make it next day, differently would ask somebody or somebody else. If they have not been handed over next day, I would receive a heavy fine. He has agreed, I was delighted, have thanked and have left with quiet heart. Having come back, has found the letter in the box from library with the greater or big bill and intsormatsiej that books have been handed over only in a week pochle the finished speaking date. He has not mentioned a word about it or this. Probably hoped at random. Perhaps I do not learn or find out. I had to pay the penalty. I have again caught it or him in a lie, to be exact in concealment from me information. In fact could admit, has forgotten or still that.

And we, certainly, have strongly sworn.



2. But the fact is the fact: I feel anger and I accuse it or him of a mistake or an error. For an output or exit from sozavisimogo statuses it is necessary to listen to the feelings. In the given situation my behaviour essentially: in independence of, whether the mistake or error of the young man will affect or influence a course of business or affairs or not, for me in the given situation a principle - to let to him know, that I shall not reconcile to lie, let even such small.



What of variants seems to more correct? All problem that I do not know how me now to concern to vysheupomjanutoj situations. To break itself, to narrow eyes and apologize a vigorous voice by phone or to play with the open maps and to stand on the : I shall not suffer lie?



Situation with lie or concealment from its or his party or side, alas, not vpervoj, therefore I ask how to act or arrive.

[St]

And tell or say, who you on a speciality?



You extremely complicate a situation, are engaged in that is called *quot; ?a?a??N?*quot;. This or thus in itself is an obtrusiveness and in goods will not result or bring. Just from me there was a patient with a similar obtrusiveness. nachitavshis the popular psychological literature he began to analyze each act and reaction. Sometimes the analysis borrowed or occupied from it or him some days in which current the patient was not capable to work in general to think of something the friend. And all began innocently enough...

As to you to act or arrive - solve according to a situation and your personal predispositions. Can consult to not clinical psychologist or the social worker - similar advice or councils in their competence. In case predilection to an excessive introspection is inherent to you basically - rather I recommend to consult at the psychotherapist.

[avm]

To have a choice, it is necessary to have at least three variants. Plus remember, please, a material from our early dialogue. Whether you have decided to go to the psychotherapist? If is not present - that has prevented?

[Natasha-a]

And tell or say, who you on a speciality?



You extremely complicate a situation, are engaged in that is called *quot; ?a?a??N?*quot;. This or thus in itself is an obtrusiveness and in goods will not result or bring. Just from me there was a patient with a similar obtrusiveness. nachitavshis the popular psychological literature he began to analyze each act and reaction. Sometimes the analysis borrowed or occupied from it or him some days in which current the patient was not capable to work in general to think of something the friend. And all began innocently enough...

As to you to act or arrive - solve according to a situation and your personal predispositions. Can consult to not clinical psychologist or the social worker - similar advice or councils in their competence. In case predilection to an excessive introspection is inherent to you basically - rather I recommend to consult at the psychotherapist.



On a speciality I not the psychologist. I the philologist, am engaged in sociolinguistics and cultural science.



Quite probably, that you are right about self-digging. I too read the literature (the last, that I prochla - book Robin Norwood *quot; Women Who Love Too Much*quot;. How much or As far as it concerns to *quot; popular ??O?u??*quot; I can not judge). Yes, I too am constant about it or this I think. It seemed to me, that the best agent to improve is just to understand itself, with the psychotherapist or without. As in conversation with the psychotherapist I can always miss fine details which sit in me subconsciously and influence my comprehension of a situation. You consider or count, such algorithm of actions can damage or injure;hurt?

[JULA]

To have a choice, it is necessary to have at least three variants. Plus remember, please, a material from our early dialogue. Whether you have decided to go to the psychotherapist? If is not present - that has prevented?



Dear YOKES, excuse for a delay with the answer. I was away. Has thrown all and has left far away from a situation. For this time much has occured or happened.



It is amusing, that you speak about the third variant! When I wrote the report from March, 16th, I even could not think of the third. And here, ponimate, after the next incident which has overflown a bowl, I could not suffer or bear lie any more and an innuendo a pier. The person. And though I could not think, that I am capable to suspend relations in such status, I have made it. With tears and with a stone on heart, but I have made it, and have left to be, next day, there and then far away from it or this. To Lisbon for a week to friends to not think of it or this and to not return at all to it or him;them to 41 times. The trip has affected or influenced positively. At me never for this time has arisen desires to return to it or him;them, despite of my internal delicacy. But me it is very serious. I have returned, and he on me presses. Appeals to my conscience as I could throw it or him, he is sick, and only I can help or assist him, etc. Again threatens with suicide. I try to be in the party or side, to not talk to it or him on these subjects, externally I do not show shadows of emotion, but inside to me is serious. However, the first step is made - I shall not return to more though we and support or maintain superficial contact.



I thank you for that you remember details of our previous dialogue. I have taken your remarks into consideration, have gone to the attending physician, have explained a situation, and she has given me a direction to the psychiatrist. The Danish system is those, that without a direction of the attending physician to spets.vrachu treatment will cost very dearly or expensively. To the psychologist the direction is given only in extreme cases, naprmer if someone has died in family. Hour consultation at the psychologist costs or stands from 100 euros and above, therefore to me with the grant of anything and does not remain at present how to be engaged *quot; ?a??N?N??N?*quot;. Nevertheless, me have sent to the psychiatrist, having explained, that the unique difference between psihiatorom and the psychologist here consists that the first can appoint or nominate medicines. With the psychiatrist I have spent about 4 sessions for 30 minutes. It was very difficult to me to speak about the feelings, I have got used to analyze feelings of others, in to look or see inside for me the problem. Nevertheless, I have made all to describe a short and as I feel it or her. He could not penetrate into a short of my situation in any way (with expression in foreign tongue I here do not have problems), despite of my emotional status repeated *quot; Well now to you it is better, than 2 days ago, you do not cry. And job at you is, and study perfectly well. And quot; constantly interrupted, sat the turned side to me, did not look in the face, during my answers to its or his questions put any awful dies on documents, did not listen. Asked the same questions from session in session and has released or has let off me with the notation: *quot; Steer clear of psychiatrists. You it is absolute ?nOoU*quot;. To put it briefly, he vzhil in a reality all my pavors in occasion of dialogue with the expert, and more has more aggravated my position. As though posmejalsja above my problem, such I had a sensation. At that I obligatory enough person, on last occurring with it or him I at all was not, here he has left such print.



Now I understand, that without support I can run into the previous status, and, not looking on high cost of consultation at the psychologist, I nevertheless have reserved time in a week. On an hour. To me it is terrible, but I shall look or see, as will pass or take place.

[brevi]

You the good fellow. The result of your efforts will renumerate you with interest. Already those changes which you have made, are capable to be salutary.

[Nanja]

You the good fellow. The result of your efforts will renumerate you with interest. Already those changes which you have made, are capable to be salutary.



Thanks:):):)