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Просмотр полной версии : MY MUM DOES NOT ALLOW ME TO LIVE NORMALLY! To me of 18 years. At us usual family from che...



Andrey
22.08.2004, 13:46
MY MUM DOES NOT ALLOW ME TO LIVE NORMALLY!
To me of 18 years. At us usual family from four person. Parents (both native), I and the senior sister. We live in Peter. In the financial plan of difficulties we do not test. I at all do not know as to explain and from what to begin, but I hope you will understand. For the beginning I shall describe parents: the Daddy at us imperous enough strict person. But what strong disgusting immoral qualities I do not see that. Certainly we with the sister like both parents. Mum at me very kind and the gentle person, never heard cry from its or her lips. But nevertheless in opinion of the father, as though to be expressed more softly, whether she is not so clever that... To Me very hardly to write such lines because it is a question of my liked parents. During too time mum at me the artful person. No, she does not use cunning in what that the mercenary purposes, no. Business in other, about it or this I shall tell or say later.

And so, I approach or suit to the most important: my mum always completely supervised a situation of the house. She overhears many telephone conversations. For example, having left in shop and having left me of one house, after arrival home she steadfastly looks to me to face trying to find what that suspicious features, a smile, etc. If will find, can and will try to try to find out... About that I spoke by with the girl to phone and there is no speech. I am not deprived vneshshchnostju. There were many moments when I saw a signal, the invitation from girls... But respond I could not... There Was what that isolation. Recently from the Internet has downloaded beautiful classical music Baha. I sit I listen behind a computer. Mum has heard and began to enter often into this moment in my room, that as though distracting my attention. All its or her actions I of glades and me became uzhastno! She believes, that I listen to music, at me navivajutsja sad ideas, voznikjut ideas about ennobled or raised, kind feelings (such happens at listening many compositions) are caused or cause. And that it or this nebylo mum constantly comes into my room in it the moment. All this is repeatedly proved to itself me for many years. But really my mum does not understand, that listening of the certain music on the contrary introduces in human soul only good. Causes positive feelings, emotions (I have in view of classics). Really she does not understand, that having entered so specially in a room, she that embitters me and does or makes my mood bad on all the day! Other example: I watch on TV news. There there was a plot about orphans. Also have shown the moment very sad when children in small chorus sing. My mum enters, asks to me any empty silly questions, pretending, that something searches. I in general the person raskeposhchennyj. I can speak on different subjects. But about what, even about girls I cannot speak with mum! With other adult person without ceremony! And with mum is not present.
If I shall speak suddenly about what that, at once to appear an artful smile, eyes will look in a floor and basically all!

Sometimes happen gryzenija at the slightest pretext! Now summer, August. In institute I zdal session, have handed over normally. August completely free month for rest. And here there will be a reason, that me pogryst! I Sit I read the book, absolutely I touch or I tamper with nobody and will necessarily find an occasion. And an occasion which really is not present.

Look or See from, I can that that I do not understand? To me of 18 years. I study in institute. The circle of friends at me gets out decent or considerable. I do not smoke, I do not drink... But at it I do not look as an obex to dialogue (if others smoke). The core of pastime: institut-the house, dom-institute. I read much, but I do not concern to what that botanikam and to geniuses. I take a great interest or am fond in psychology. I wish simply to let know to you, that I not such person, as boys from a court yard... It not my society... I cannot talk to them about the politician or politics, about a life, about sciences, yes about much!!! Them are interesting basically are reduced to parties with a bottle of beer and all... With them it is not interesting to me. And mum not in which case does not want that I joined this society that was such as they. But in too we are said lies she it is at times glad, that I sometimes "tusujus" with them at the bottom a birth at whom that... Esi to me are necessary money, mum and the daddy always will give them to me, but will necessarily ask what for. Can give at a rate of 1000 r. And more if only it has been justified. Basically, observing of parents of friends, I often do or make a conclusion that with parents to me has carried. At home me anybody in what does not limit. I to itself the owner. It arranges parents because basically to criticize and gnaw no trouble. But I am am irritated very much with those, about this I have written above. I was bothered here it with nothing an expressing artful look.. I want otkryiyh attitudes or relations... I tried or tasted already in techeniei many years TO TALK to mum. She speaks yes, well. But next day all repeats all over again. I thought, that she forgets... Tried to remind every day, even the list has made... But all this is useless... What to do or make I do not know... I in despair... At me ideas that if I look what nibud film already spin or I listen to music and mum specially enters to distract me, I put the ultimatum, that if once again will enter, I can that nibud ischportit. I understand, it is very bad, but I do not see an output or exit. I became nervous, irritable... I am afraid, that yet much and I shall shout at mum... Why she does not understand, that she from me does or makes by that the awful person! From the point of view, I think, that as its or her son, I arrange it or her completely... Scandals I do not get or I start;I deliver, I shall come home and silently peacefully zanimas the business. My position in family is constructed so, that I touch or tamper with nobody the first never!

About the father: I see, really I see, that to him too gets... Yes he can shout and put on a place... Well it for today... And then again! The Real example: they have woken up in the morning... The father since morning was silent, thought of the problems... (they were), mum has some times asked it or him you of that malicious? He has told or said: I not malicious. Mum has again asked, you why malicious? And so about five times! The father has not sustained and has told or said: well if you want that I was malicious, I shall be malicious! Result: they did not talk week... It only one classical case, such cases with me, with the father, even with the sister mnozhesto! Each case has no real substantiation. My mum does not work, we are fed with the father.

I very much hope, that you can really help or assist me advice or council. For accuracy I wish to tell or say here that: neither at mum nor at the daddy " on the party or side " anybody is not present. I am absolutely assured or confident of it or this! Still I uvernen that parents nevertheless like each other if it was not so to hide it it was not possible, therefore I exclude the factor of divorce at once. Still I want will add, neither the father nor mother separately do not wish divorce. Both the father and mother absolutely sincerely wish us, children of goods and happiness... It I have told or said for that, chtobjuy to exclude such possible or probable artificial behaviour of mum with a definite purpose.

Now thinking of the future I drive away terrible ideas on if the wife with similar character will get to me. I began to hate the artful latent people. People at which the smile is artificial and false. During the worthless moment I very much hope that my wife will be the clever open person. I very much hope that between us there will be no blanks and emptiness. I very much hope that our mutual trust will be full.
In any case I do not want that I had such children. I shall make all that they were happy, therefore in no event in a similar way vospitivyt they shall not be. Actually here very much a delicate question... And I have written to this forum and so too much. Very much I hope for your advice or council. Thanks.

Vladimir Putin
23.08.2004, 01:09
Dear Andrey! Under your description I with confidence on 99 % can tell or say, that your mum - the power vampire. Want believe, want - is not present, but it is. When she provokes you or the father on the conflict - she is recharged by energy.
Alas, it in any way "is not treated", t. To. Depends on date of a birth. But these actions can be supervised - there is certain "antidote". It concerns to all people of such type.
BEGIN ABOVE HER IT IS MALICIOUS TO BE PINNED.
For example, she speaks: " Make music more silently, when she and so very silently plays ". And you tell or say: " it is good, give together we shall make even more loudly. "

Or, for example: " Iz-that you rumble, neighbours will cause or call militia, there should be an order. "
And you tell or say: " it is very good! Give together militia we shall cause or call! "
Result: "additional charges" will not be.

I hope, you have understood idea...
I wish good luck!

Eva
23.08.2004, 16:03
Dear Andrey!
To me unlike you 33 years will be fast, I live with mum with the father they have left for a long time when to me there were 13 years. But that you describe that in the letter occurs or happens and to me, but it is a little - to another....
My mum too tries to supervise me, too likes to enter to me, molot any bosh or specially me to awake in the mornings, tries to specify softly so with whom to me to communicate and t. The item, etc. and quite often tries to deduce or remove me on mini-conflicts, I shall notice such thing that I am material is independent and I feed our small family....
My mum like not against that that I was happy also other but as soon as on horizon there is worthy a man he there and then is exposed to the strict criticism and according to me start to do or make labatomiju, my mum further is even more interesting begins or starts koketnichat with mine so to say grooms, the full pipe is shorter, but I do not despair and have simply learned to live with it or this and you do not experience, by the way I not one such, too most there is and to my girlfriend in mutual relations with mum, only at them it because of a choice of the groom and money.
Probably against it or this there is any conclusion, but I do not know it or him, I am sincere to you sochustvuju know as it problemno.

Masha
24.08.2004, 18:34
Andrey! There can be it and vampirism, especially by an old age at people it increases or is enlarged. But in my opinion - here has put a little bit in other. Children have grown, your mum does not work, here and marasmuses begin. She would go on job - there would be girl-friends, dialogue, interests any. To me it seems to her it is necessary to get or start any hobby, and any animal of which she could care - sobachka or kotik is better. The hobby exists mnozhestvo-a macrame, flowers, an embroidery, but something is better connected with dialogue. Therefore the puppy - an ideal variant

Olga
25.08.2004, 05:37
Imperous the man and the artful woman. Ideal pair your parents. He thinks, that operates or controls, BUT she DIRECTS or REFERS it or him. Therefore everything, that is necessary for her your mum has got used to receive cunning, "on the sly". Having declared the desires and plans " in opened or open " she nothing will receive, and "sporovotsirovav" and having created a situation - will receive desirable for certain. On frankness she will not go NEVER, in fact it will deprive with its or her last weapon and will make vulnerable.
To you of 18 years, you the adult and independent person, therefore to you it is necessary to cease to solve psychological problems with mum and naiti druga-the girl, to reach or achieve with her that stopeni an openness and trust which does not suffice in family. And as to music, phone conversations, etc.
You have on this full right, means it is necessary to limit mother territorially and iskljuchtit such opportunity technically. Be not justified, simply declare the rights to "refuge" in an apartment (a room, an angle of a room, etc.) and defend the right to a seclusion in general, instead of with any purpose.
e. " I am borrowed or occupied, to not disturb, if only there will be no fire, or nuclear war ". First it will be difficult, hysterics are possible or probable, but you be not got or started and do not allow to involve itself in the conflict emotionally. React exactly and easy: " Excuse mum, I prove the theorem the Farm and a door to you I can not open, hardly later. Ah, you in my room have forgotten an iron? I shall bring as soon as osvobozhus! " And minutes through 20, not earlier, with the lovely and open smile you bear or you take out to mum an iron. You understand? And so gradually, on the sly. You will win, and will be right.
Do not think, that you than that offend mum, or take away from it or her something... You like it or her and consequently should become free and self-sufficient to provide in an old age its or her rest and to become happy in home life, and for this purpose sometimes it is necessary to go in defiance even to native mum.
Success!

Maria
26.08.2004, 15:27
You be not afraid, that you will have a wife with similar character, and be afraid, that your mum will transform its or her life into a hell. To not admit or allow izdevatelsta above your liked person (wife), put mum on a place already now!

Iriska
28.08.2004, 07:02
I agree with Olga, and it seems to me that she wants to you goods but if such type of dialogue there passes or there takes place with your father, you probably other person if easy tell or say who all of you on a sign on the zodiac, I would think above this problem. For now I wish to tell or say to you here that, at me the mother-in-law such, she eternally speaks something, chut-that - the conflict, and about that that she likes to come to us into a bedroom!!! It in general a pipe. I was certainly dissatisfied with such state of affairs, but did not take all to heart, and reacted how it was supposed style of behaviour, I do not know that at it or her in a head has turned, but she varies, or both of us we vary, she concerns with greater or big respect for our private life, does not climb, and now they in general from us have left... I think to your mum it is necessary to understand that you already big boy, and its or her constant "trusteeship" is not necessary to you, from this follows, that you and should behave as the adult, to not rage, to not snap, quiet and self-assured. If she wants the conflict you should behave in arms or hand, not raise or increase at all a voice (to avoid all attributes of scandal) even if she 145 times are asked with the same question, respond, in due course it will bother her also she will leave you alone... Well and by the way idea about a hobby too very successful, I think it can help or assist, so present her any exotic palm tree with the instruction on leaving or care - let has a good time... SUCCESS!!!!

Bobrov A.E.
29.08.2004, 00:21
Andrey! Before so to pay attention to behaviour of mum, ask by a question. Whether it is possible or probable, what something in yours povedeneii forces it or her to worry for you? In fact you are not so similar to it or her? Here she also worries. And more - in similar situations usually there is a strong emotional communication or connection of the son and mother. This communication or connection up to a pore is very useful, but then starts to stir or prevent. In such cases also there are negative experiences from both parties or sides. Therefore I can advise to become more independent in practice and, that is especially important, try to designate this independence. For example, in the form of requests to not enter to you when you are borrowed or occupied by music and t. Item

Andrey
30.08.2004, 08:18
That that who will try to turn a problem on me, I expected. In the text I have evasively told or said, that thought of that the reason can be in me, however real I do not see the facts. As the aforesaid extends not only on me, and on the father and the sister, but it is a little in other Form.
Maria: above it or this I did not reflect simply because my future wife will not live at all with my parents! I have already solved it and have discussed with them. Therefore remains that such wife will not get to me hopes.