Hello dear! First time I visit or attend this forum. It can not bad...

[Tatyana]

Hello dear! First time I visit or attend this forum. It can not a bad place pootkrovennichat. Who znae would be desirable to show you to all that that's all right because if learn or find out about your problems that will be divided or undressed on two groups. Those who like, will rush zhalet and to sympathize, other half - to gloat over. Neither that, nor it would not be desirable another, and to sense from it or this is not present. Who knows you sees all not absolutely really. I wish to tell the history, somebody can with a fresh view will see the correct decision.
I married 13 years, am my second marriage. From first marriage - the daughter of 17 years (me 35). From all it seems that I have the ideal husband. He improbably careful, I have no pritenzy in the household plan. Sometimes he happens even too. I do not go to shop (seldom when only it or this I shall want), all financial business or affairs on itself. Voobshchem he everywhere is in time including on kitchen or cuisine. By the way receives from that that all on itself improbable pleasure and to be proud of it or this. And it occurs or happens not because I can nothing (I can all). All girlfriends envy me and consider or count me as the present or true woman which like and indulge.
But there is also other party or side. My husband improbably neuravnoveshannyj When he strongly be angry he can something to throw, break, break. After awfully regrets and catches at heart. Basically all scandals iz-for the daughter. She almost hates it or him, though sometimes between them is simple idilija, that me surprises. He often simply gets it or her in each insignificant occasion. And I understand it or her, it is impossible to suffer or bear such the bore. Sometimes I simply would like to run away. We live in America, at us the perfect house which I adore. The husband has good job. But here I unfortunately cannot contain myself and the daughter without it or him. I thought to return to Moscow. It is interesting, whether after 9 years of absence I can it will be arranged adequately. At me good English, I know a little frantsuzky tongue, I have the local diploma. Very difficultly briefly to describe a situation. But in two slovah-he simply fractures me, does not allow to be itself. The constant control. At me such sensation that I live not with the husband and with the strict father and more the grandfather together. Melancholy. That Would be desirable to be oneself and zavisit from whose moods. What to do or make?

[The friend]

Tatyana, is not enough information on the husband... To run yet does not cost or stand:) Write more particularly in what its or his boreness is expressed, what difference in the age of, whether he has changed for these or it 13 years and how? It is important to understand the reasons, features of its or his person and then can be, it will be possible to pick up to it or him;them kljuchik. Provided that you like it or him still, despite of it:) Or - a question almost solved about departure and to you practical advice or councils about the device in Moscow are necessary? If yes - then it not to me:)

[Tatyana]

The matter is that our attitudes or relations initially were not absolutely correct. From its or his party or side - huge deep feeling and desire to protect from all problems in a life, with mine - feeling of respect and gratitude. And confidence of that that as soon as I shall want - to end all. And I did not hide that I do not like it or him is on the contrary. When he has asked me to marry it or him, I have told or said what is it it is impossible. Also that will be when I shall meet which person I shall grow fond. Its or his answer - " You are not guilty that do not like me, it I am guilty what not has made all that you have grown fond of me ". Voobshchem he has taken me osadoj (as our friends are expressed). I longly resisted, and then my forces have terminated. And more, he was in such status that (as it seemed to me) could something make with me if I shall disagree. And in general it seems to me what even in such position he wins, because he lives a high-grade life with the liked person. And probably for it I consensually hate it or him. When we lived in Moscow I was capricious and did or made all on the . And when we have arrived to America he began to vary sharply. Became even aggressive. He all also indulges me, but it alternates fits of anger, sometimes even rudeness (that is perfect or absolute to him earlier was not peculiar). It or he had greater or big problems before we have left, and I instead of leaving it or him, have adequately transferred or carried all this together with it or him (then has by the way received a neurosis). He very thick-skinned and real person. And I an essence more emotsionnalnoe and idealistka. So when I had attacks of pavor and I could not sleep some months, it irritated it or him. He considers or counts what is it delicacy and cockroaches in a head. Though it was for me revelation. In Moscow he was very sensitive to all mine to tears and (izvenjajus) sopljam. So when my daughter was at opposite age (12 15 years) and I had very serious time I felt alone with the problem. And sometimes he even aggravated with the intervention. Here then I felt so, that I now one on all ground. Mum, relatives, friends in Moscow, and he as an empty place. Simply I think well-being and a life with unloved and already not such can and the close person it is necessary to change on native both close and internal freedom.
Difference at us 4 years.

[Explorer]

Tatyana, your example, very or very much a vivid example of that without love practically is not possible or probable happy marriage or spoilage, the attitude or relation to your daughter is long on extreme mere-) He not videt in your eyes light of love to it or him;them, from here and aggression, and despotzm, and... On you it can not be broken strongly, t. To. Likes and still is afraid to lose, and the daughter a good variant, on itself to recoup. If feel in itself forces, start to live independently. You have joint children?

[The friend]

Tatyana, I cannot neither affect or influence you, nor take the responsibility, but here my opinion: Having left it or him, you certainly, do not receive at once a guarantee fortunately, but thus - you receive even GOOD CHANCE to give or allow him to happen in your life! Remaining with it or him, you on the contrary, guarantee IMPOSSIBILITY to reach or achieve it or him. Thanks for details, now is clear - to try something to make with your mutual relations in general and with its or his character in particular - expenditure of time and forces (why, I can explain, but it will not help or assist:)). Means, gradually start to get used to ideas on the new plans, about possible or probable, not so simple, but very important way to freedom. It is important to tell or say, that for your girl it will be, without exaggeration, kindly, to her has sufficed, and she forms the person, what for impression at it or her is framed about love, about attitudes or relations in family between the man and the woman, about an image of the man in general? It is impossible to admit or allow, that looking on such disrespect and the insult of advantage, the daughter perceived such as due and lowered or omitted, together with the self-rating and demands to men. It is necessary to tell or say, that most likely, your husband - from those who prevails - by all means and FORCE. Not simply dominant or prepotent, but the imperous, overwhelming person. I would tell or say, totalitarian:) It so? And more koe-that I shall tell or say. Can, it will disappoint, but most likely, should facilitate to you acceptance of the correct decision: Men of such type, "indulging" and giving gifts, do or make it ONLY FOR THEMSELVES. Your husband always considered or counted, that SHOULD do or make it, is simple to correspond or meet to own representation about a man's solvency, respectability, the status. About any feelings never speeches also did not go. It flattered its or his vanity, he was happy or enough, that All of you accept, means, recognize all that it is important to him to show, but it is no more. To be convinced, that all and is, here attributes: vo-its or his gifts first, at first sight, a "strange" combination and balovanija - simultaneously with insulting, disrespectful and at times even the boorish attitude or relation. Vo-the second, recollect: showed (whether he, except for material care (which, quite voz-but, it is given to him easily rather), - shows) care sincere? I speak about sincere heat, participation, frank dialogue on any subjects, care on the trifles, not costing or standing money? Napr, is simple so to call and tell or say, what you the darling and as he adores you... Well, or something amusing, touching in this spirit? To suggest to descend or go at cinema, to take a walk? Kakoe-any lovely overindulgence from its or his party or side, a surprise? How he is interested and shows participation what occurs or happens in your life?... Tatyana, I think, that most likely, all answers to these questions will be not satisfying, t. To. That is indicative when you were in a trouble (attacks, uneasiness) - instead of support he has not tried to understand at all... Know, on a view not interested - small loss, especially and for a daughter will not be a trauma.

[Tatyana]

Many thanks for advice or councils and participation, is huge encouragement. Now I shall shortly answer questions, and then I shall return. The husband now and ine it would not be desirable for the house that he has found me.
- Joint children at us are not present, though he very much wants, and and I too. But all time something stops me. My daughter has appeared as a result of strong feeling and I know what is it such to give birth to the child from and for the liked person. Therefore it is complex or difficult to me to be solved. Though chances every year more lesser or ever less.
- About the husband. You know he very tender, delant surprises, warns my desires. The anger and aggression is as attacks With DIFFERENT PEREODICHNOSTJU. Sometimes intervals long enough. But I wait for it or this every minute, potomuchto I am afraid and I do not want it or this. After he to become as silk, fawns with me and he could be sorry and tell or say that he is not right. Elementary dissoluteness seems to me what is it, I can is not right). But I cannot restrain to it or this. After each time I feel crushed. And in general to me hardly to perceive it or him as the friend, the lover. At me SUCH FEELING THAT I LIVE WITH the SENIOR BROTHER or with the father. Its or his care sometimes reaches that that I feel not high-grade. Whether will call in the morning from job to ask I have overslept, whether have forgotten to make what that things. And he always speaks me that I am not adapted absolutely not for a life. Once I to him have told or said that I shall return to Moscow. Its or His answer - at you one output or exit - to find the person which vozmet on yourself care of you, you not spravishsja. But during that moment he understood what is it only words for my part. Still he is very jealous, though tries to hide it. In mine 35 I look or appear on 23 25 move. Sometimes it seems to me what is it it or him irritates.

[The friend]

Tatyana, has understood... Then, with your explanatories and details, we do or make the appreciable amendment in occasion of it or him " attacks of anger ". No, it not its or his character by nature, is felt, what is it and to him very much stirs or prevents. If it only the got problems (by the way, both the excessive jealousy and irritability can have the same neurotic nature) then there is a quite good hope for disposal of it or this is the psychotherapist, the psychiatrist - choose. I know, that such phenomena often meet, it still name " a syndrome of a short match ", for example, often meets at mothers broken on the children, and then excruciated that have done. If it also if its or his failures injure both of you it is necessary to address for the help. Present him this necessity as a unique opportunity to strengthen marriage or spoilage, differently you it is valid so ustanete and will be disappointed in itself, that earlier or later it is necessary to leave. If there is no money, try to consult free of charge on the Internet on ljub. Tongue, a cat. Know, the main thing that there was a desire to get rid of all it or this from ITS or HIS party or side. If it or him will not be - nothing can be made. But at last wished to tell or say, that despite of all the "smoothing" moments, in otnosheniii your husband to you there is a proprietary element. For example, to not lose you, he goes on everything, even on suppression of your self-rating and self-esteem - precisely lets know, that you - IT or HIM, you are dependent, that you from yourselves do not represent ANYTHING, are unvaluable, insolvent and infantile, therefore inspires, that you CANNOT twitch, hints, that such noble and generous HOLDER to you to not find anywhere. He addresses not to your feelings, and to "practicality" - means, he appreciates above all a pragmatism and benefit. I am not right? Write:)

[Tatyana]

I can in general I idealize in occasion of change of my life. Very few people lives with the liked person and more happily all life. And fairly to tell or say, I feel fear of that that in the future I will be worse also shall regret about the flight. And on the other hand it is possible to deceive others that all quite tolerantly, yourself you will not deceive. Very much I am afraid of material difficulties. I understand that I fracture to myself a life but so me hardly to be solved. And in occasion of the reference or manipulation to the psychologist is it is impossible. We very much on a miscellaneous to it or this concern. When I had problems and ran on doctors it or him it irritated. For it or him it only delicacy, laziness of spirit and unwillingness to struggle with circumstances. He to me has told or said that to me has carried that he such thick-skinned, be with me series santementalnyj and the gentle person, I absolutely would become limp and it has already appeared in psihushke. It seems to me to change it or him it is possible only if he will want it or this, but vrjad litakoe will occur or happen. By the way he is very similar to the father on character and the attitude or relation to a life. Svekor - the clear head, obrazovanishy the person, the professor, repeated laurjat gos. Premiums, the perfect father and the grandfather. But the person serious it is improbable. It is necessary to like really up to a folly to suffer or bear. This or thus can hereditary.

[ljusja]

Hello, Tatyana. Has read through your story and was surprised as with the husband my attitudes or relations were similar to yours. To me too it very much prevented to live. I do not know as in America, here where I live awful unemployment, Russian take only in obslugu. In Rossi there was very interesting job at theatre. But so it has turned out, that I have agreed to go narabotu much below that level that I worked on native land or Rhodinum. BUT in two years I was possible manage that level about what I and did not dream, I feel self-sufficient. All "disassemblies" with the husband have stopped when I became from it or him independent. I do not doubt as at you too all to turn out. Make it simply of a harmfulness (!)

[The friend]

Tatyana, ljusja has given very wise advice or council. To it or him;them I shall add here that. EVEN IF it also will not work, in any case, becoming or beginning financially independent (though malo-malski!), you liquidate the main pavor stirring or preventing All of you to change or leave from the husband - DEPENDENCE. Becoming or beginning free, you is more sober")) and objectively will look not the husband, and estimate or appreciate, that he costs or stands. Also I shall tell or say still koe-that of what the women do not think, afraid to remain lonely with the child. Such status has a huge advantage: with the child it is not necessary to the woman srochno-urgently in marriage any more to have time to give birth, so, it is possible to relax in this plan and it is quiet, it is as much as possible legible, to choose: any more for the sake of presence, and for the sake of quality))), understand? And " to that I with the child? " - Get rid and tell or say to destiny of thanks for the child because he in the certain sense, will be a remarkable litmus paper))) for those who to you will meet. Yes, them will be less, but you should choose already only from the richest douches.

[OPEN COMPANY]

Never I shall believe that to you something prevents to be oneself, and a place a residence here not and. It seemed to me in you a lot of egoism.
That is happy only who likes, instead of that who is liked...