Children or Guys, help or assist to understand, in what I am not right. At us with the husband different points zreni...

[Sofia]

Children or Guys, help or assist to understand, in what I am not right. At us with the husband the different points of view in occasion of education of our child. To the son 3 years. He considers or counts, that I indulge the child, reproaches me, that I with it or him am insufficiently strict, all to him pozoljaju. In it or this there is only a share of the truth. I consider or count, that the child too the person and if him all to forbid, he will grow infantile, at it or him interest to world around will be gone. Now everything is interesting to the child, he learns the world and consequently I concern to its or his pranks easy. Sometimes I can shlepnut after the priest if something will do. But to not beat, to not kill the child!!!! And the husband considers or counts it as overindulgence, whether we row hardly every day. And yesterday he has beaten the child as shchenochka for that that he has switched off a computer, and any program has got off there. Well it unless is normal? As to cripple it is possible the child, he at all has not understood for what it or him nalupil the daddy. Beat anywhere, both on a head and on arms or hand. Naturally, the child in tears has come running to me that I have protected it or him. Now I do not talk to the husband, he protiven to me, for that that has lifted an arm or a hand on defenceless, on the native child. I cannot to him vdolbit, that it is impossible to beat the child, impossible to do or make to painfully child!!!!!! Please, help or assist, how to me to be?!

[Explorer]

Such small to beat simply kashchunstvo! At the child at the husband do not swear, but alone speak all that think of it or this. If it is fair, if you write the truth, and your husband beat the kid anywhere... I would not think any more about what, and things would collect. If to beat now for trifling prank if already now there are no words to represent it would not be desirable, that will be further and who vyrostit...

[Svetlana]

Honesty of opinions and views always remains in doubt... Try to cool down and soberly to look at things. And who at you actually is engaged in education of the child?

[SOFIA]

Uv. Explorer, thanks! I too am afraid, that will be worse further! I speak with it or him, I try not at the child. Yesterday after its or his trick has dressed the child and has left, walked see you in the evening. To leave there is no place, it was necessary to return though see it or him could not. I do not work, all the day long at home with the child. And at it or him the intense, nervous job if to be more exact he the chief of the Department of Internal Affairs. Understand... .vidit the child he it is rare. The son misses, reaches for it or him;them, and normal dialogue with the father practically does not receive. I am am sawn with all time, that I shall bring up not "boy", and razmaznju. At it or him still a principle such, that the boy it is not necessary to kiss and lisp. Itself if kisses the child, exclusively on a forehead.

[SOFIA]

Svelana, I agree. Certainly, from its or his point of view I therefore as I am the most part of time with the son shall be always guilty. The child is not afraid of me, even if I abuse it or him. At me he can be indulged, gambol, as well as all children. And he understands the father from one view, even eats at itself - with the friend, t. e. Silently with solfetochkoj, etc. However, I do not think, that he will respect with the father, when podrastet. In my family never on children an arm or a hand lifted, therefore to me diko such...

[Hazhilina I.I.]

Sofia! You are wrong - both! The greatest mistake or error in vospitanii-inconsistency of actions of parents. If you will do or make one, and your husband drugoe-will lead to pitiable results when the child will grow. He will get used, that if one forbids, drugoj-resolves. Also will start to use your disagreements. Results I can be sad: from a neurosis, before use of parents in the "mercenary" purposes - the demand from you money, etc. forms deviantnogo behaviour of the teenager, including (larceny, a narcomania.) . About punishments the behaviour of the husband certainly described by you to inadequately offence of the child. Threatens with occurrence of the nervous diseases, the crippled mentality and even cherepno-cerebral grasses and organic lesions of a brain. But also easier or simply to not pay to this attention, too it is not correct. It is necessary to use adequate forms of punishments. For example, refusal to the child in usual evening readings a fairy tale and t. Item Punishment should not be more offence of the child. And also encouragement for good behaviour should be stipulated. Your refusal to communicate with the husband hardly will help or assist him to understand its or his mistakes or errors. More effective will be conversation in the quiet form. Also you can suggest to esteem to the husband my answer. If despite of all this it will not turn out to develop or produce the uniform concept of education, you should address for consultation to the psychologist under the decision of family problems. If internal consultation will be necessary, I shall be glad to you to help or assist! Mine t. 8 916 140 74 55 (From Moscow or area). My data it is possible to find, having pressed a red inscription with first name, middle initial, last name

[SOFIA]

Thanks, the doctor! I know, what is it incorrectly. All problem that we cannot come to a consensus in this question. For example, I consider or count, that the child still small, I do not suppose any strict measures of punishment, even such as " to put in an angle ". And at the husband all with accuracy, yes on the contrary. He considers or counts, that time when it is possible nakazyt has come. When the child was - less, the husband always spoke " here wait, there will be three years and I shall borrow or occupy in education ". Here probably, has borrowed or occupied. I do not know as with it or him it is possible to agree. He not prinemaet my opinion, does not listen at all, and I cannot understand its or his views on education. What to do or make, get divorced? Eslib he abused, t. e words, kak-that explained to the child it is accessible, as as well as why he has made. In that case, I would not interfere, did not protect anybody, but bite-I am more than it or this never to him I shall allow! I longly suffered or bore, but yesterday he has too far come! Thanks you for support. I live in Moscow if it is required, I shall address to you personally.

[Hazhilina I.I.]

Sofia! Both superrigid and supersoft measures are equally harmful and will affect or have an effect the child. On the bill of divorce, hardly it is necessary to hurry up. Always it is possible to find the good decision both for spouses and for the child.

[SOFIA]

The doctor, you are right certainly, that supersoft measures as are harmful. But I cannot tell or say, that the child is spoilt by my softness. I am able, where it is necessary to be with it or him strict, to abuse sometimes. But the child thus even understands, of what he was guilty. Yes..., he does not go " on strunke " with me, but and it is not necessary for me, that he zashuganym was. And muzh-that of this all not videt, he only videt as I intercede when he ostensibly is engaged in education. It or him vosp-nie is only punishments, instead of fairy tales, rhymes, etc. He never with it or him was engaged. However the child is able to consider or count, knows digits, letters, tells rhymes, to draw likes. Itself includes to itself animated cartoons on DVD and looks, sits nobody stirs or prevents. Who learns or teaches it or him? The grandmother, (mother-in-law) which comes to a month of times, though lives in 15 minutes from us? NO! I one am engaged, however I all the same bad mother, t. To. I INDULGE the child. But I cannot understand, than and as I indulge it or him, explain to me, please or I shall go mad.

[Explorer]

Sofia, talk to the husband easy and try to find what that the compromise. It is necessary, or the result will be the most pitiable. Try to inspire, what you too want vyrostit the man, can be eat sense to give the child to go in for sports and it will calm your daddy?

[Vick]

If at you is where to leave, I would advise sdnlat it immediately. You can return to parents? I do not think, that any compromises with the person who beats the child are possible or probable.

[The anonym]

All cops of rubbish

[Olga]

It is not necessary TO EXPLAIN to the husband, it is necessary TO PROTECT the child. Terribly? And to him, small, not terribly? He will grow and will not forgive or excuse to you cowardice and treachery. I have not forgiven or excused the mother... Till now... And me 34 years... But I shall not allow to beat even a dog at my presence... Think of it or this...

[SOFIA]

Olga! You about what in general? I unless spoke, what to me it is terrible, and what I cannot protect the child? I do not cost or stand and I do not look is indifferent, if the husband lifts an arm or a hand on the child. Never I shall betray the child! I a life, not reflecting, shall give for it or him! You carry any nonsense, the word of honour. If have not penetrated into a short has put, it is not necessary to interfere and give advice or councils..... If you are angry with mother, izvinite-it already other history. To in total you kind!

[Hazhilina I.I.]

Sofia! Has similar put not "correct" education of the child, and that each of you tries to prove to another the correctness... You with the husband in have grown in different families. At everyone the outlooks on life. And in this situation of quarrel in occasion of education rebenka-can be an occasion for finding-out of attitudes or relations between you. Probably there are any complexities in your attitudes or relations... Sometimes happens so, that instead of talking easy about the arisen problems, the pair begins (unconsciously) vjasnjat attitudes or relations through the child.
Your situation is very similar to the given variant. But more precisely it is possible to define or determine only at internal consultation. As all my reasonings hypothetical, deduced or removed from that small information which you have given. Usually in similar slluchajah I am in detail analyzed attitudes or relations between spouses and as they influence the child.

[Olga]

" And yesterday he has beaten the child as shchenochka for that that he has switched off a computer, and any program has got off there. Well it unless is normal? As to cripple it is possible the child, he at all has not understood for what it or him nalupil the daddy. Beat anywhere, both on a head and on arms or hand. Naturally, the child in tears has come running to me that I have protected it or him "
Has come running AFTER has already beaten.
And if has protected, that to discuss - it or this cannot occur or happen, while you are alive. In what a question??? Whether rights the husband? No, certainly. It seems to me, the psychologist of the right - the child an occasion in eternal dispute of spouses " who is right ".

[SOFIA]

Olga, is not present sense to copy my letter, do not trouble itself! I do not wish to be justified and prove to you something. I shall consult also the child in insult I shall not give! Thanks ONCE AGAIN!

[SOFIA]

The doctor, many thanks for your help! I very much hope, that such situation will not repeat any more in our family. We have talked to the husband, he was sorry about us. Yesterday we all the day long have spent vmeste-I he and the child. I hope, that all will be adjusted. Very much to you it is grateful!

[Olga]

" Tenderness - congenital need or requirement of the human being. She is necessary for him the same as air and the sun, nutrition and water. It is impossible to overestimate its or her role in an initial stage of our life. Not casually babies whom two women (one only look after feeds, another only caresss), reach for that which gives pleasure of human "thermoexchange" much more.
Nazi experimenters in due time have tried was to exclude at all all this "sloppy sentimentality" from process of education of breed deduced or removed by them " iron arijtsev " - superchelovekov. That as a result has left this sadistic experiment, well-known: some thousand pupils lebensbornov have appeared are crippled for all life both mentally, and mentally, and physically.
The disadvantage of parent caress and heat, attention and tenderness of close people becomes one of the main reasons raised or increased nevrotichnosti and suitsidnosti among graduates of orphaned institutions. "
http: // www. rabotnitsa. ru/cgi-bin/show. cgi? page = 1 both vol = 03 and unit = 03 and item = 0022

[child]

- Certainly it is easier to strike, it and is faster, than something to explain to the kid. Such the man will not go to the psychologist, will count it for delicacy. It is necessary to interest the daddy, to push to dialogue with the son (only not violently). How it to make? neznaju, can be make something such that he has started to be proud of the Son. Think up. I so think, I can and is not right.