Frightened
26.07.2004, 06:15
If a life after loss of virginity? No, I not that that I am afraid of sex, I on the contrary madly would like it or him... I constantly think of how it should be, I simply become abnormal, I am am bewitched simply with pictures with stages of sex. Sometimes it seems to me, that I shall not sustain and I shall throw on somebody. Sometimes such occurs or happens, on parties, having drunk, I start to stick in guys (though by the first a step never I do or make, as very much in myself not assured or confident, but at me nevertheless it is a lot of admirers). And I am so raised or excited from simple touches, that at me mutnitsja the reason, at me suffices forces will stop, but always it is very a shame to me with such behaviour as I actually not sovratitelnitsa, not bad, and on the contrary the good girl, at me many moral principles, from for which have appeared this problem but which I cannot break - differently on soul or douche there will be nevynasimaja dipressija, a feeling of a mud and other.. . And so the basic problemma that I in a life was never enamoured, at me and the guy that good - to the present was not, and in the childhood so dreamed of the first kiss with the liked prince, but as well as now I so would like to make it (in fact all around already was twisted with novels, me there were 14 years), that the strange guy who and externally that did not like me has kissed me what that, till now I experience, not strongly, but nevertheless... And so I also am afraid, that I shall oversleep with whom nibud to me absolutely not not liked person, and then I shall simply be opened... Likely, I have written all kak-that madly... But I am simple I can not, I descend or go from mind or wit... Because at my age about the first love only recollect, instead of wait, in fact to me of 18 years... All my girlfriends already conduct a sexual life and though from their party or side I do not feel pressure, but, a pancake, I too wish to not be soared above what that there a problem, I wish to be free from myself.. . Also I do not know, as to do or make myself you will not break, to force soul - most not grateful... But the more I live, the I understand more distinctly or clearly: the first love always passes or takes place, and still more many ljubovej, even more perfect and many-sided... But thinking so, the meaning of the life - to be with one man where that vanishes... How to be? I do not know... heh...