Elena
27.06.2004, 03:30
Hello, the doctor.
I ask from you advice or council as to me to enter the developed situation. Three years ago we with the husband have decided to get over in the USA. To tell or say more correctly, it was its or his decision, but under "impression" of crisis 98 years and examples of friends and make related - I have agreed. Though at the moment of veneering I plainly and to think about what could not - at me the father died. It has been solved, that the husband will go one therefore how three together to go is to us it has appeared it is too expensive, and would be terrible to go to me to uncertainty not clearly for what term. When the husband has left, I as though have lost myself. Before we more than on couple of weeks did not leave, having lived together 14 years. To describe as me I was serious shall not be. To the shame, I have completely plunged into the Internet. No, it there were no conversations on sex, it were simply new acquaintances what that... There could be a flirtation, even met in a reality. There was a soap correspondence, called by phone. But, as it seemed to me, it not is change to the husband. Especially I not so would like to load with its or his cockroaches in a head . To what it if the person solves more global problems? At the certain stage, I have understood, that became internet-dependent. Also has simply tried from all it or this to get out, has simply plunged thoroughly into job... Has found still and the second job. At the husband in the meantime business or affairs it is not so good - in the USA will burst crisis in hajteke and return home, and it in a year of its or his stay there has loomed. I do not understand that suddenly happens, but the husband suddenly neither from that nor from this has cracked my box post, has studied or investigated correspondence. In my opinion, there there was nothing criminal... But as it has appeared, it only in my opinion. Me have accused of MORAL change. It seemed to me, that when he will return, we can talk and all will be adjusted. However, the nightmare has begun with it or him vozrashcheniem simply. Also has understood, that I simply am afraid of own husband. I could not open soul and simply talk. Can be have played the role daily "interrogations" till the morning about what I thought, when wrote, that felt. And how I can recollect that felt one year ago in what that the moment?. But I have confessed before the husband, was sorry. Tried to adjust attitudes or relations. He could day normally with me to speak, and then week again pytat at the nights. When I spoke, that I have already told all, he spoke, that so anything and has not understood... And it proceeded almost year. I understood, that to him is serious, that our hopes have not come true... And so by itself it has turned out, that in all there was guilty only I. I so have got exhausted for this time... Constant nedosypanie, daily tears, simply gravity on soul or douche as to not pass. I asked, begged to not speak any more on these subjects. Yes, it is guilty, but try to forgive or excuse me and we shall begin all anew . And the most awful, that I and could not talk to it or him frankly. I was afraid, itself I do not understand that. In November of the last year he has again left for America. And it was already only its or his decision. Now we practically every day communicate by phone, but I constantly wait for reproaches. And they, naturally, do not keep itself waiting. At me terrible headaches have begun. I cannot talk... Simply I do not want. Only if in working hours and on working questions. After next stated to me "fi" by phone, I cannot at all start to speak - I start to pull the first letters of words. I go constantly as in a dream. And about myself I talk to the husband. I try to find arguments to convince it or him, that he is not right, that it is impossible so... But it is necessary to me to start talking to it or him by phone - I am ready to admit that, as the Dead Sea was killed too by me. I try to take sometimes myself in arms or hand and to look or see at a situation on the other hand - I have survived without it or him, I was able to provide myself and 15 years or summer sons himself, I have learned to cope or be controlled with machine or car itself - nobody learned or taught me. The truth now I can not sit down for a rudder because I not in a status to concentrate, and I leave only necessarily. But the periods of such "enlightenment" of steel all less often and less often. I still had only one desire - easier or simply to get under a blanket and to not get out therefrom, the doomsday will not come yet. Stops only necessity to work and earn (again at two jobs). Sometimes it is possible to sleep only for 3 4 hours per day. I do or make all through force, I kick myself literally, what that that to make. Liked job became hated. It seems to me what even to go I became much more slowly. And most of all me oppresses, that I cannot explain to the husband, what is it cannot proceed further. I understand, that to him it is difficult, he is offended. But in fact and me it is hard. I very much am afraid, that is simple I can not live with it or him together, it is simply impossible to live with the person whom you are afraid. And that is why I am afraid - I do not understand. I in fact did not change to him. I am quite financially independent. And I am afraid up to a shiver in arms or hand and turned in kolenok. And I do not wish it or him to lose. Also I can not understand that all taki such between us has occured or happened. Please, help or assist me.
I ask from you advice or council as to me to enter the developed situation. Three years ago we with the husband have decided to get over in the USA. To tell or say more correctly, it was its or his decision, but under "impression" of crisis 98 years and examples of friends and make related - I have agreed. Though at the moment of veneering I plainly and to think about what could not - at me the father died. It has been solved, that the husband will go one therefore how three together to go is to us it has appeared it is too expensive, and would be terrible to go to me to uncertainty not clearly for what term. When the husband has left, I as though have lost myself. Before we more than on couple of weeks did not leave, having lived together 14 years. To describe as me I was serious shall not be. To the shame, I have completely plunged into the Internet. No, it there were no conversations on sex, it were simply new acquaintances what that... There could be a flirtation, even met in a reality. There was a soap correspondence, called by phone. But, as it seemed to me, it not is change to the husband. Especially I not so would like to load with its or his cockroaches in a head . To what it if the person solves more global problems? At the certain stage, I have understood, that became internet-dependent. Also has simply tried from all it or this to get out, has simply plunged thoroughly into job... Has found still and the second job. At the husband in the meantime business or affairs it is not so good - in the USA will burst crisis in hajteke and return home, and it in a year of its or his stay there has loomed. I do not understand that suddenly happens, but the husband suddenly neither from that nor from this has cracked my box post, has studied or investigated correspondence. In my opinion, there there was nothing criminal... But as it has appeared, it only in my opinion. Me have accused of MORAL change. It seemed to me, that when he will return, we can talk and all will be adjusted. However, the nightmare has begun with it or him vozrashcheniem simply. Also has understood, that I simply am afraid of own husband. I could not open soul and simply talk. Can be have played the role daily "interrogations" till the morning about what I thought, when wrote, that felt. And how I can recollect that felt one year ago in what that the moment?. But I have confessed before the husband, was sorry. Tried to adjust attitudes or relations. He could day normally with me to speak, and then week again pytat at the nights. When I spoke, that I have already told all, he spoke, that so anything and has not understood... And it proceeded almost year. I understood, that to him is serious, that our hopes have not come true... And so by itself it has turned out, that in all there was guilty only I. I so have got exhausted for this time... Constant nedosypanie, daily tears, simply gravity on soul or douche as to not pass. I asked, begged to not speak any more on these subjects. Yes, it is guilty, but try to forgive or excuse me and we shall begin all anew . And the most awful, that I and could not talk to it or him frankly. I was afraid, itself I do not understand that. In November of the last year he has again left for America. And it was already only its or his decision. Now we practically every day communicate by phone, but I constantly wait for reproaches. And they, naturally, do not keep itself waiting. At me terrible headaches have begun. I cannot talk... Simply I do not want. Only if in working hours and on working questions. After next stated to me "fi" by phone, I cannot at all start to speak - I start to pull the first letters of words. I go constantly as in a dream. And about myself I talk to the husband. I try to find arguments to convince it or him, that he is not right, that it is impossible so... But it is necessary to me to start talking to it or him by phone - I am ready to admit that, as the Dead Sea was killed too by me. I try to take sometimes myself in arms or hand and to look or see at a situation on the other hand - I have survived without it or him, I was able to provide myself and 15 years or summer sons himself, I have learned to cope or be controlled with machine or car itself - nobody learned or taught me. The truth now I can not sit down for a rudder because I not in a status to concentrate, and I leave only necessarily. But the periods of such "enlightenment" of steel all less often and less often. I still had only one desire - easier or simply to get under a blanket and to not get out therefrom, the doomsday will not come yet. Stops only necessity to work and earn (again at two jobs). Sometimes it is possible to sleep only for 3 4 hours per day. I do or make all through force, I kick myself literally, what that that to make. Liked job became hated. It seems to me what even to go I became much more slowly. And most of all me oppresses, that I cannot explain to the husband, what is it cannot proceed further. I understand, that to him it is difficult, he is offended. But in fact and me it is hard. I very much am afraid, that is simple I can not live with it or him together, it is simply impossible to live with the person whom you are afraid. And that is why I am afraid - I do not understand. I in fact did not change to him. I am quite financially independent. And I am afraid up to a shiver in arms or hand and turned in kolenok. And I do not wish it or him to lose. Also I can not understand that all taki such between us has occured or happened. Please, help or assist me.