Olga
01.06.2004, 21:32
At me depression and nothing gives pleasure to me krrome alcohol.
Now I do not drink, time in two weeks happen failures sometimes gram of 700 faults, and sometimes I manage and on a bottle of beer ostavnovitsja. I abused years 5 successively with breaks.
Under action of alcohol (easy or light;mild intoxication) all is interesting to me. It is interesting to communicate with people, men like. It can will sound strange, but alcohol has helped or assisted me to overcome pavors of dialogue with an opposite floor. Before I with them even could not support or maintain conversation. It seemed to me, that I am indecent koketnichaju and it is opposite to them, that such disgusting person talks to them. I never liked my appearance. I always wished to be another. Here has talked to the husband. He has described, how wants, that our daughter looked or appeared. In accuracy as I wish to look or appear. He means even me does not like actually. I the too hate job. I do not watch TV. I do not read the book. I do not walk. When I buy belongings, it does not deliver to me any pleasure. Meal too. All is peer to me as my apartment looks or appears. I am simply cleaned or removed, that the husband to not upset. I test an orgasm, but I do not receive pleasure from sex. I do not wish to borrow or occupy in it or him never. With anybody. I even hate nobody. Though often people cause in me feeling of disgust. I hate, when native call by phone and ask, as at me business or affairs.
I do not understand, what for I live. When I did not work two months, I did not wish to wake up. Slept up to 3 h, 4 h. When at last the organism could not sleep more and I opened eyes and came back mentally in a reality I felt the most unfortunate person on light. It seems to me never especially it would be desirable to live. However I know, that I shall not commit suicide and I shall conduct a life under the standard scheme or plan. I am afraid to act differently. Me those who tries to convince me, that I not enrage an absolute zero. They simply amuse themselves and the vanity, trying to heal.
Now I do not drink, time in two weeks happen failures sometimes gram of 700 faults, and sometimes I manage and on a bottle of beer ostavnovitsja. I abused years 5 successively with breaks.
Under action of alcohol (easy or light;mild intoxication) all is interesting to me. It is interesting to communicate with people, men like. It can will sound strange, but alcohol has helped or assisted me to overcome pavors of dialogue with an opposite floor. Before I with them even could not support or maintain conversation. It seemed to me, that I am indecent koketnichaju and it is opposite to them, that such disgusting person talks to them. I never liked my appearance. I always wished to be another. Here has talked to the husband. He has described, how wants, that our daughter looked or appeared. In accuracy as I wish to look or appear. He means even me does not like actually. I the too hate job. I do not watch TV. I do not read the book. I do not walk. When I buy belongings, it does not deliver to me any pleasure. Meal too. All is peer to me as my apartment looks or appears. I am simply cleaned or removed, that the husband to not upset. I test an orgasm, but I do not receive pleasure from sex. I do not wish to borrow or occupy in it or him never. With anybody. I even hate nobody. Though often people cause in me feeling of disgust. I hate, when native call by phone and ask, as at me business or affairs.
I do not understand, what for I live. When I did not work two months, I did not wish to wake up. Slept up to 3 h, 4 h. When at last the organism could not sleep more and I opened eyes and came back mentally in a reality I felt the most unfortunate person on light. It seems to me never especially it would be desirable to live. However I know, that I shall not commit suicide and I shall conduct a life under the standard scheme or plan. I am afraid to act differently. Me those who tries to convince me, that I not enrage an absolute zero. They simply amuse themselves and the vanity, trying to heal.