I am doomed?????

[Dana]

At once I am sorry for verboseness, but it to avoid dop questions.
I - "nedoljublennyj" the child (it in many respects explains my further behaviour). And everything, that I who have been brought up on Russian classics, wanted, - that me liked also faithfully, selflessly, madly.
All somehow was impossible. And here this long expectation of Love has made of me literally neurotic, that is I already made SUCH demands, that nobody could correspond or meet. To me always was a little. I could not like in general anybody.
In 24 me there was such person. To tell or say, that He liked me madly - nothing to tell or say. Self-renunciation was full. The attitude or relation to me was as to "nebozhitelnitse", instead of earth mortal. 5 years we were together (grazhd.br). To me to estimate or appreciate and I demanded more and more and more.
I was the real despot (at me a nature of the leader, rigid enough and rational), and here I "came off" under the full program. With what shudder I now recollect it. The NORMAL person such could not get up.
More shortly, once I have gone beyond all limits or passed all bounds and have resulted or brought the friend directly home (though in sex better than He, men at me were not, it is simple from idleness and unreasonable thirst of new sensations). When he in the morning, has seen all this, having returned from job home is shorter, He has forgiven or excused me also to me to come round but I has left for holiday again to the friend when He has learned or has found out it - in a flash I from "nebozhitelnitsy" have turned in usual mortal with which not always it is possible to agree on which it is possible to raise or increase a voice sometimes, to carry out all which whims not necessarily has come day when He has struck me (was for what, but such things I to forgive or excuse could not any more). I have collected its or his suitcases and have shown the door. On a trace put He has returned, asked understand that was able to affect, but I was unshakable. He me has forgiven or excused 2 years to forgive or excuse. For this time he has reached a nervous attrition and only the help prof the psychologist has enabled him to get out.
And in a year He married.
And here when I have learned or have found out it .. I have understood THAT I have lost. That here SO can like only units and to me has largly carried, and I the arms or hand have destroyed all. I have left from Russia only to not meet it or him. 4 years I cried in a pillow 4 long years He to me dreamed every night 4 years me any did not concern or touch man in general To tell or say that I suffered - nothing to tell or say.
I understood, that SUCH LOVE meets in a life once, and that not to everyone and has almost reconciled. A pain uleglas - time has helped or assisted. All new men - liked on the present too - could not and to come nearer on an iota to that samootrechennoj love that He gave me. And on smaller I disagreed. I began to work above myself, to correct the nature, to clean or remove unnecessary, began to study to like people herself, to give, and not just to accept. And I became another.
And here when to me already 38 (married and was not) the God gives me one more chance. I have met the person who likes in the same degree that He liked, if not in greater. He has expressed quintessence of it or this in one phrase after long reflections I has come to conclusion, that I and in this world have come to meet and like you only. It seemed to me that I lived, but only now I understand, that the life on the ground up to you was not
Also what I? guess all algorithm repeats!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT WANT!!! The God sees - I do not want. But I again destroy or blast all. To me gives pleasure to see as he suffers. I do not learn or find out myself. I thought that I already another an was not present all that I so carefully got rid in myself, - all again whence has got out. Really I again shall destroy all????? I already precisely shall not go through it or this. WHAT TO DO or MAKE?????? HELP or ASSIST!!!
PS I live in staffs or states internal consultation it is impossible and to go here on reception - in another's tongue I do not wish to speak about such problems.
That have listened to thanks.

[The passer-by]

There are ways to cure it, I through it have passed or have taken place. Najdie the Russian-speaking therapist or come on a vacation to Russia... The Gestalt - the therapist is necessary to you...

[Dana]

... And why a Gestalt???..

... You also could not show on the private or individual example as it has worked for you?... Presentation in fact is always more intelligible...
... It would be very grateful...

[The passer-by]

Gestalt - because it is fast enough... Though and it is difficult... But go to the therapist year you cannot... On me it has worked simply..... First there were chaotic girls... It is literally up to a disgrace... On two three in a year and without remorses... And after therapy two years of calm full... I have changed and waited that woman who approaches or suits me - new... And now it's OK... I am married two years and very well

[Wel:-D]

Hello It is given!
You are not doomed - you doom yourselves.
You doom yourselves in the sense that to you to make habitual actions and acts easier than something to change and by that you will move on a circle, is more correct on a untwisted spiral (since the amplitude of experiences will grow), but their sequence will remain precisely same. Emotions will be stronger - love, happiness, a pain, mountain, but it will be the same emotions in the same sequence, that already at you were...
The matter is that you depend on it or this, you have made yourselves requiring in strong emotions. Unfortunately, they for you no more (but also not less) than the nutrition and unfortunately, with each new "cycle", you require in all stronger and rasping emotional experiences is it is possible to name rising of a threshold of emotional sensitivity. You will require in all to a greater dose, in all to stronger shake-up. It is easy to guess, how such shake-up will most easier receive yes? Having torn off a swan song on the most shrill note, correctly?:) whether you already did or made it earlier?
If all it is interesting to you also you want that more detailed knowledge, that to you occurs or happens, I can send you the scientific job on this subject (a semifinished item of the dissertation), there about it very in detail is written.
If all wish something to change that to you the psychotherapy, and she is shown to you vital.
I am afraid to recommend you concrete style as it is done or made by the visitor of a site having nik "Passer-by" is all individually enough and besides I am a Gestalt-therapist, all I fly or treat almost one Gestalt and consequently I can be a little bit subjective in this question. I can confirm only, that in skilful arms or hand (heads, hearts:)) a Gestalt really perfect, strong, fast, reliable and practically universal instrument of therapeutic interaction with the patient.
I think, that if you will be set by such purpose and look, will find somewhere not so far from yourself russkogovorjashchego the psychotherapist, and m.b. Even, geshtaltista:)

[Wel:-D]

You, actually, who will be? The person with a syndrome of " the skilled or experienced patient "? The Expert (in sense - the colleague)? All it together?
At a forum answers in the form of consultations the professional doctors, got used to carry can give only some shred of the responsibility for the patients. If you such expert also wish to give consultation on a site - address to the manager of a site - you will be registered and will publish on a site the small resume, that visitors of a site could know, with who exactly they deal.
If you the so-called skilled or experienced patient - "Skilled":) that, I think you quite can share own experience, but thus do not forget to specify, what is it your own experience - then it will be correct in relation to other visitors.
Have agreed?

[Dana]

Thanks for the answer.
But I in fact and itself realize this all and have already recognized, that became, practically, the neurotic demanding more and more strong sensations. Only it do not agree with the term of " rasping sensations ". Any roughness, yes that there - indelicacy (in behaviour, sensation, displays and proch) - me pushes away roughness at all. Sincerity, cleanliness and depth of feelings can involve me ONLY.

Whence it - too is easily explainable. Constant expectation of love in the childhood and its or her non receipt (or short-reception)... Then long expectation of love of the man... The Degree of insistence to force of feelings increased every year expectations in germetricheskoj progressions...

And even when me sincerely liked... Through short time to me it became boring... As a matter of fact and that time, while the man still "mine" is interesting only... After the offer of arms or hand and hearts - all somewhere leaves instantly... How much time I tore nevertheless to marry, but one idea what is it FOR EVER gives me the creeps. And it that I DESPERATELY REQUIRE LOVE!!!

Please, send the jobs, links to everything that can help or assist me somehow...
I know the problems. I know whence they. I only do not know as from them to get rid.
Thanks that read.

[Wel:-D]

When I speak roughness, I mean roughness in sense of force, instead of in sense of primitiveness. I name it roughness, (ogrubleniem) because gradually shades of feelings become inaccessible to you, as well as the feelings shown at a normal level of force - they seem to you weak and boring, correctly? Any stability frightens you, because stability is always absence of strong emotions and since normal emotions for you are weak, you do not feel them, for you it means emotional vyholoshchennost, full absence is emotional or emotionally-sensual sostovljajushchej, i.e. practically, mors.
Also it is not necessary to be covered with sincerity of attitudes or relations - for you this simply necessary condition. Without it or him you cannot approach or suit to the partner so close what to receive from it or him emotions under the full program, to the full extent. In other words, sincerity, it is simple a condition doing or making your hunting and a meal successful with the maximal probability. Something like an allocated gastric juice... As you can see - any romanticism and nobleness.
In occasion of expectation of love... By and large ALL patients of psychotherapists it, first of all, people nedoljublennye, but is shown it at each of them on a miscellaneous.
In your case, now, you require love as in nutrition or a new dose, having received prosimoe it (demanded) you immediately will destroy and digest and will require again.
Interesting prospect, correctly?:)

[The passer-by]

Hm... Wel:-D!
Really similar, what I describe an another's life? Strange, I never so by the life did not concern... And to express the opinion and to express gratitude geshtaltistu which has pulled out me, I consider or count as the right.

the Answer: Yes, no, I think, it is more likely similar what YOU have not understood me, yes? Do not hurry, try or taste still times:)

[Dana]

... I, to tell the truth, am glad to any response - from passers-by and proezzhih... Professionals and not so... In fact what to accept and to follow the person to those solves or decides... But I do not know rules of a forum, therefore it only the private or individual remark...

... In essence...
" In your case, now, you require love as in nutrition or a new dose, having received prosimoe it (demanded) you immediately will destroy and digest and will require again. "

... Yes all this so... I also compare it to narcotic dependence... But how to grow fond most???????? How even to respond to love??? On Fromm I already for a long time should respond... an is not present...

... With impatience I wait your job - it can will help or assist to understand... You will give the link or a mail to give or allow?... Tell or say - as it will be more convenient...
Thanks.

[Wel:-D]

The link I can not give, all in any way arms or hand will not reach:) to pull out job on a site so, give a mail - I shall send.

[Ljalja]

And to me send pliz! pliz! pliz!!! Very interesting question... And there it is written as to recover from it or this?

[Wel:-D]

It is written. Where to send?:)

[DIX]

It is given, WOULD LIKE TO TELL or SAY ONLY, THAT the PERSON YOU NOT BAD, And In this case CAN ONLY EXCRUCIATE ITSELF ONCE AGAIN. IN the FIRST, YOU LOOK AT the LIFE, KNOWING YOURSELF THAT is " LIVED FIVE HAPPY YEARS " And ALL REST AFTER THAT.
YOU HAVE TOLD or SAID, THAT HAVE EXCHANGED OR WISHED TO MAKE ETO.ZNAJU, THAT PROFESSIONALS, ---THE PERSON NOT menjaetsja WILL TELL or SAY., ---NOT THE TRUTH.
SECONDLY, YOU DID NOT TRY TO FORGIVE or EXCUSE THE PARENTS, ALL ASSOCIATES, EVERYONE WHO LIKED YOU AND CAN STILL LIKES. AND THE MAIN THING YOU DID NOT TRY TO ASK FOR THEM THE PARDON FOR THE OTNOESHENIE TO THEM ---EVEN LET NOT INTERNALLY, BUT OSOSZNAT IT....
CERTAINLY, THE MAIN THING THAT YOU HAVE DARED TO SHARE THE PROBLEM. I HOPE YOU WILL NOT REPEAT ALL THE PREVIOUS MISTAKES or ERRORS.
LIKE AND BE LIKED..

(The SITUATION CERTAINLY SERIOUS ---protivolozhnaja was At the SISTER WHEN HAS departed To the HUSBAND To STAFFS or STATES. THEN SOME YEARS were not audible IT or her is HAS not come YET To NORM or RATE)

[cherry@fosta.ge]

procla pismo DANI, cestno govorja oCen rasstroilas, ubeJala ot serioznoi problemi v Stati, no ne pomoglo .no i eto xoroSo Cto ludi ponimaut svoi oSibki. ja skaju odno, Cto raz posle takogo sluCaja vi ne ispravilis znaCit eto na vsu jizn.bi sami ne znaete Cego xotite.

[Wel:-D]

Hello, Dana.
Using your sanction, I publish the answer at a forum.

Private or Individual correspondence also is ethic as well as all rest, but if you
Are adjusted or set up exclusively on dialogue on a network - that better at a forum, that
And other visitors could receive some from our dialogue
Advantage or Benefit.

N>... The unique idea which has arisen at perusal - HOW IT
N> PRIMENIMO TO ME?

About it or this below.
Actually, job on neurotics and a neurosis, to these or it;this she and primenima
To you:)
If you prochli job with a unique idea in a head is
Phenomenally:) you are assured, that you really had only ONE
Idea? During all process of reading? Whether you it is too fast
Read, whether... No, I can not assume:)
And how about your feelings with which you accompanied with process of reading? You
About them write nothing. You felt nothing? It is important.

Further I shall be passed or shall be taken place in some places of your letter and your previous
Reports at a forum, having reduced the comments to a minimum - b.m. For
Economy of time...;)

Your main idea:
N>... I prochla once again about loneliness and a neurosis... hm... I am not entered
N> here as tried to be arranged and go in though in any
N> a part
N> this image... Well in any way...
N> it is possible to write here on each thesis the antithesis... It not
N> means what is it incorrectly... It is incorrect concerning me...

My theses:
Than are stronger (i.e. are important) for the given concrete neurotic
Sensations, the he is more than experiences can receive from them, that
More reliably
There will be its or his world. Thus it will be not important, positive or
Negative kateksis accompanies with these sensations, it will be important
Only
Their force

YOUR "ANTITHESIS":
N>... Well it absolutely is not present!!!!!!!!! At me in a life was so much
N> negative emotions, that I am ready on many kompromisy, that
N> to avoid a negative.
Your equipment or installation contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> I shall suffer is better
Your equipment or installation contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> most of all I am afraid to hurt another and it
N> consensually also I do or make...

MY THESIS:
Attitudes or Relations of the neurotic with people are how much deep, so and
Are fragile, short-term and izmenchivy.

YOUR "ANTITHESIS":
N> there is a pair friends - already more than 15 years...
Your equipment or installation contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> long contact to [people] quickly tires me...

MY THESIS:
For the neurotic of its or his action are quite adequate, they are adequate
Perceived, and is more correct, generally, to the world created by it or him.
It or This one more reason not efficiency of its or his behaviour is covered.
Action does not lead in advance planned and to objects in view,
Though in
Imaginations all looks or appears gladko.dobivatsja results he will be
Much
Less often, than not the neurotic

YOUR "ANTITHESIS":
N>... I already upominjala, that I the person of practical mentality... I
N> the realist, and even with a fair share of a pragmatism...
N> there is a problem - I solve it or her... Special
N> pleasure I receive solving problems, which up to me anybody
N> to solve not
N> could... Percent or interest of efficiency - 99...

Your equipment or installation contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> all that I want, and with most
N> the childhood, is to have NORMAL family - the husband and pair detok,

Your equipments or installations contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> 1. But almost all life I live one...
N> 2. I panically am afraid of static character

Your equipment or installation contradicting the previous or last statement:
N> reliability and confidence is necessary for me as air...

The resume:
You do not think, that reliability and uverennnost, it first of all
Static character i.e. stability? You do not think, that all your behaviour,
Including and your letter, it just a fetus of that you is not adequate
Perceive a reality? Inadequate perception of a reality, as you
Could learn or find out from job, this consequence or investigation of action your own
Neurotic protective mechanisms. If you have agreed that
Ideas stated in job concern you, it would be the indicating
On imperfection of these mechanisms. If you felt, how all these or it
The neurotic equipments or installations operate or control your behaviour, it would specify
On absence of protective neurotic mechanisms. But they at you are. With
Their help, consciousness of the neurotic (you) easily bypasses any acute angles,
Disharmonies, everything, that to you could help or assist to realize that you " on
Hook " at itself. And this hook - these mechanisms. Here private or individual
Consequences or Investigations of their job: you have passed or missed mass of my ideas, for example, about that,
That the neurotic manipulates the environment. You do not do or make it or this? And as
To be with it or this:
N> I never itself stop attitudes or relations, but I do or make
N> so that the person HIMSELF has realized nevozmozhnot their continuations...
And with it or this:
N>... Therefore give any other theory... Under something I
N> should
N> to approach or suit?:-)
Well certainly! And exclusively, only counting upon you should
To appear the new theory of a neurosis. You are assured, that you here not
Bend?
You, as well as other neurotics, all life studied to manipulate people,
And studied successfully. Otherwise you would not exist any more in
Volume a kind in which you exist. At what contact of the neurotic (i.e. in
The given case - you) with the psychotherapist, it tazhe the manipulation (you
Simply do not know other type of attitudes or relations). You in fact counted on that,
That I or shall start to prove the positions, or to search for you
Suitable theories - in any case, our interaction becomes more
Intensive, and this necessary condition for the neurotic if remember from
Jobs, correctly?
So it all also has left, yes? Want I you with it or this I shall congratulate? With one more
Successfully spent manipulation?
I congratulate you!
It is unique, that it would be desirable to note, your problem not that at you
To turn out there were badly manipulations, and that a chain of manipulations in
The whole has led you to crisis. You at deadlock.
If you want, that I would show you, how it or him to leave - cease
To play the fool, it takes away too much time.
At you complex or difficult enough case. Complex or difficult for therapy first of all
The neglect. Practically all your forces are involved now in
Maintenance the status kvo. To make the way or break through to you now through layers of your protection
It is practically impossible. I predpologaju, as this letter to you very much
It will be complex or difficult to perceive adequately, but to you will have to try.
The psychotherapy is necessary for you. You SHOULD find to yourselves the psychotherapist,
And strong and skilled or experienced. Cannot make it in the USA - search here.
The whole month in Russia is not so badly. The prices completely not transcendental. In
Particulars I am engaged with absolutely different contingent, in that
Number with students and schoolboys. I do not think, that they can to themselves
To allow "it":), and you are not present.
Otherwise, to you will have to remain with your problems so much,
How much you are ready to sustain still.
Think.

P.S.
Theses about loneliness, quite probably, to you really have no
nikagogo attitudes or relations. Can not pay to them attention, simply job
Was not only about a neurosis, but also about loneliness. Its or her main thesis
Was: any person feeling loneliness suffers a neurosis. From here
At all does not follow, that those who suffers a neurosis necessarily test
Loneliness.
And last, most, probably, important for you:
The neurotic is not capable to see obvious. He has lost feelings.
YOUR "ANTITHESIS":
N>... I shall repeat - adequately I perceive realnos
With hope for your last statement...

[Semius]

Greetings to all
Vobshchem if who remembers my problem about Witnesses Iegovy...... How much or as far as they are normal both td and tp......
http: // forum.nedug.ru/showthread.php? s = and threadid=14765

vobshchema the problem itself was solved... The truth a little painfully but to experience it was typed or collected:p, simply I have understood WHY they have gone or send in SV..... It is people very offended on a life, which egoism and hatred to the world too high more shortly...... I here have read through top about the girl which neumela to like....... Something similar..... She from me demanded love + + chtobja I hotjaby has started to study or investigate the Bible..... With them.......


vobshchem people one advice or council - consider if want vstrechatsja with such people - they pytatsja will persistently tighten or delay you to themselves..... They want type that also you were with them in paradise...... + to egoism..... And he at all of them is......

All good
Success all

[Dana]

You in fact counted on that,
That I or shall start to prove the positions, or to search for you
Suitable theories - in any case, our interaction becomes more
Intensive, and this necessary condition for the neurotic if remember from
Jobs, correctly?

... Well, it or this also it was not close... All written was only for that that at you was more information on how I see all this and I represent... And about " the new theory " and at all there was a joke - in the same place there was a smilie...:-)
... I know that at me problems, differently I would not address for the help... I have only told or said that the resulted or brought scheme or plan I case... But, probably, that it is possible to tell or say in a reality, difficultly to inform virtually...

... I shall try to talk to the psychologist internally...

Thanks for participation.

[Wel:-D]

Sapienti sat!:)

[Ljalja]

Throw off to me please statejku on soap:
lenaspb@rambler.ru
In advance thanks

[bill]

I throw clause or article about love
http: // www.inauka.ru/analysis/article39959

[Wellness]

Sergey (unfortunately I do not know your patronymic),
And I can esteem your job?:)
(tatyana@xaker.ru)
It would be very interesting. Besides now I help or assist to spend job (testing) with neurotics.
Yes, and more, my girlfriend writes degree job. A subject " an image of happiness at the patients, suffering neurosises ". It is curious, whether not so?:) To the extremity or end of May we wait results.

[Wel:-D]

I send.
With coming!:)